The Trust Theory

Who do you trust, I mean REALLY trust? For most people our trust is limited to those we know very well, those we love and those who love us.  I find it odd that, at least in my experience, these are the very people who let you down time and time again.  Think about the cheating spouse/mate, the defiant child, the friend who never repays loans or returns borrowed items.  What about the guy from your church that you hire to do some handy work around your house? He quoted you a decent price and you want to help out your brother in Christ. But when it’s all said and done, he does a shabby job, and avoids all your attempts to talk to him about correcting it.  So you’re left to pay someone else to come in and make it right.

We continue to put our trust in these people. We forgive them and give them a second, third, or hundredth chance. Why?  Something in the human psyche makes us want to believe that those we care about or have a bond with will always do right by us. Prayerfully, this turns out to be true most of the time. Still, we will find some of our loved ones are not trustworthy and, in fact, seem intent on breaking trust at every opportunity. The only thing we can trust them to do is to mess up again.

These people, however, trust you completely. They trust that you will remain the one constant in their lives.  When everything else caves in around them, you will be there like a beacon in the night, lighting their way back to safety. They trust you not to get fed up with their antics and change the program or “flip the script”.  They are depending on you to stay the trusting, forgiving, generous individual that you are.  You are not supposed to take a stand. You are not allowed to refuse to remain a doormat. This is especially true for a Christian, as they will be quick to remind you that Christians are supposed to give and to help.  They expect you to keep giving to them because you always have. They expect you to put up with whatever shenanigans they pull this week because you always have. They expect you to forgive them and allow them back into your life because you always have.  It’s an awesome responsibility being the one that everyone can trust and depend on.  You just keep coming through for them time after time.  They will not pull their own weight, because they know that you will take up the slack.

I have learned something over the years of being “the one”.  It’s okay to say “no” to these types of people. It’s okay not to trust everyone person that walks into your life. Sit them down and explain that they have not shown themselves to be trustworthy.  Tell them that they have something to prove to you before you rush to their aid once again. Let them know that if you can trust them to make an honest effort, they can trust you to support them every step of the way.   They have to know that trust is a two-way street.

© 2009 – Andrea J. Shannon