Alien Abduction Day

Every year I look forward to alien abduction day. Not seriously. But I still go to the store and buy glow in the dark paint and gummy UFO candy. Its exciting. It makes me feel like I have some purpose in life. You know? Like the aliens are relying on me to get abducted and be a special part of their science experiments.And besides, what else am I going to do, celebrate St. Patrick’s day ? Ha. As if. You don’t get gummy UFO candy or a free trip to another galaxy on St. Patrick’s day. Uh-uh, I like my aliens.
But I digress.
 So on the eve of this special day, I polish my colander, repaint the special alien signals I have on my roof, and do an interpretive dance specially choreographed with detail and precision so as to please my alien chauffers. I mean, I do want to travel to distant planets in the Porsche equivalent of a UFO, not a bathtub. And if the aliens are pleased I might get lucky enough to have a mini fridge in my quarters.

I also send out flyers on bottle rockets, to let them know where I am. And with inspiration from everyone’s favorite super-freak, Elliot ( from E.T ) I built a radio transmiter out of a Speak N Spell, with specially added cuss words to entertain my potential alien friends.

Over the years of denial, I have learned exactly what the aliens are looking for, so I try to recreate that as best as I can. I have designed a special costume for me and my pet tarantula, Luther, that is fully constructed from aluminum foil, solar panels and hot water bottles, just in case the spaceship’s air conditioning system is a little to chilly for my warm weather accustomed skin. I have also packed a survival kit comprised of pork and beans ( just in case the aliens have little skills in cuisine) moisturizer, chewing gum, Tarantula food, and nasal spray. After all, who knows if there is more than just the common cold on planet Whatchamacallit.

Along with these survival items, I have recently decided to bring my super galactic Pleamer, which desperses tiny radioactive squid larvae into the molecular construct of any surrounding life forms not equipped with the special space suits that Luther and I strut our stuff in.

So, what about you? How are you going to celebrate this beautiful and wondrous occasion the next time it rolls around? Have you come at peace with the possibility of never seeing Earth again? ( I sure have, the commercials here suck ) Are you equipped with the right gear ? And last, but certainly most important, are you mentally stable ? Because the aliens need a healthy specimen to observe and it would be quite selfish of you to compromise their research.

Always in Sane,

squidnizzle <(o-0<) (>o-0)>

P.S here is a sample of the codes I painted on my roof. Please feel free to use them for your own celebration, just be sure to mention me when you’re traveling in style with E.T.

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