Aliens Please Take Me Away

My Triond friends and those unfortunate enough to know me…

I am going to send a letter into deep space. You know, that place where all the stars sparkle and where Captain Kirk hangs out.

What is the purpose of such a letter? Hmm, well I want aliens to kidnap me and take me on their space ship.

Most of you would freak out at such a wish. Most people associate aliens with some devious plan in which to take over the world. But let us face it, if ET is watching he no doubt has watched plenty of our television during his surveillance of our world.

Think about it. Would you dare to invade us? I mean, we got Captain Kirk and his Enterprise, Janeway with her Voyager, Picard with his bald head, Spock with those erect ears that must have been a pre-Viagra experiment that went wrong and Buck Rogers. Let us not forget Luke Skywalker (even though I think he was secretly homosexual which I guess is scary enough considering the size of his light saber), the Death Star, the hairy wookie fella (Chewbacca) and the hip, cool, ladies man, Han Solo.

I mean, what alien would risk Solo around his wife? Nope, I think the aliens would not invade based on the fact they believe we got the firepower to kick butt and the ability to impregnate their women with Solo.

This way of looking at aliens has convinced me that I reckon they be a great bunch to hang out with. Imagine it for a moment: You could be zipping about at warp speed, sipping a Jack Daniels, dancing with a Barbarella lookalike in that tight silver Lycra suit and watching Yoda levitate half the party. All without any recreational drugs either because Yoda can really do all that crap.

Also, think about all those experiments they would prompt you to participate in? There would be probe this, probe that and all whilst totally naked. It would be like a visit to the dentist. You know, when they stick on your favourite television program to take your mind off the pain? I bet those aliens could appear as anyone you wanted them to be. For girls it could be Brad Pitt or George Clooney, for men it could be Pamela Anderson or Halle Berry in those tight black catsuit outfits.