Five Best Ways to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

by Cyberkinetix in Paranormal, March 22, 2009

Let’s face it – it’s inevitable. Some scientist is going to be playing God and will doom us all with a mutated virus, self aware nanobots or technology that brings people back to life but they are not who they seem.

Cracked.com recently published an article explaining 5 scientific reasons why a zombie apocalypse may be just around the corner and by the time I reached reason #3 I was ready to board up the windows and go buy myself a year’s supply of freeze dried food and a shotgun. So that got me thinking what I’d do if the zombie apocalypse comes before we’re all destroyed by a Hadron collider or self aware robots. Seriously, scientists just can’t resist tempting fate, can they? We’ve all seen the movies, we know inevitably something is going to go horribly wrong, but they keep poking destiny with a stick…

So here’s my breadth of knowledge gained from watching too many B grade movies:

1) Invest in quality weapons

Ok, the general rules are that zombies will try to bite/eat you and in doing so, infect you and make you part of their undead army. So the best idea here is to stay out of reach and use projectile weapons or at the very least, long blades. Beating on a zombie will probably be pretty ineffective and will either piss him off or distract you for long enough for his friend to sneak up on you from behind. So do it quickly then run like hell because in all likelihood the zombies will probably be able to smell blood or be attracted by the noise – in every horror movie, there’s never just one zombie. Also think about armour – zombies might be stronger than normal but they’ve got the same old human teeth and as a general rule they can’t bite through metal – so invest in some neck protectors at the very least.

2) Don’t stay in one place too long

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If I am Legend taught as anything (apart from the fact that when we make movies out of books we should stick to the original ending instead of making up our own terrible one) it’s that zombies will figure out where you’re hiding eventually. Don’t all fall asleep at once and make sure that whoever’s on guard isn’t drowsy. Travel during the day – there’s no excuse for running around like an idiot at night when you can’t see anything, it’s like wearing a sign that says “Eat me! You probably won’t get many nutrients from my obviously small and retarded brain, but hey, a bird in the hand, right?”