Five Best Ways to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

by Cyberkinetix in Paranormal, March 22, 2009

Let’s face it – it’s inevitable. Some scientist is going to be playing God and will doom us all with a mutated virus, self aware nanobots or technology that brings people back to life but they are not who they seem.

3) Don’t piss off other survivors, you’ll need all the help you can get

Don’t get into arguments, don’t storm off by yourself into a dark alley and don’t irritate people who are capable of locking you outside. Of course, a zombie apocalypse is also a great opportunity to get rid of people you don’t like – “He tried to bite me so I had to shoot him in the face…twice.”

4) Inspect newcomers for bite marks

There is always someone who gets bit when no-one is looking and doesn’t tell anyone then goes to town on the rest of the group – I know this seems like an obvious concept, but look at them! Get everyone naked if you have to – when the alternative is everyone getting killed, I really don’t think it’s that extrem *_* plus, nudity – that ought to brighten up the apocalyptic landscape

5) Don’t say or do anything ironic

Of course zombies have a sense of comedic timing, so try to avoid phrases like “zombies don’t exist”, “that’s impossible”, and “I have a gene that makes me immune” because it will unavoidably cause a zombie to pop up right behind you and eat your face just to prove a point. Oh and don’t have sex or do drugs – in almost every horror movie, randy and experimental teenagers are cut down by some evil force for having fun. Just don’t do it.

And here’s a bonus tip, because every horror movie heroine seems to forget this golden rule…