St Vigeous’ School for Young Vampiric Gentlemen: Spring Term Newsletter

St Vigeous’ School for Young Vampiric Gentlemen: Spring Term Newsletter

Dear parents and pupils,

I am glad to welcome you all back for this, the spring term at St Vigeous.

This term sees the return of our history master, Mr Jonathan Harker, after his leave of absence studying castles in Transylvania. I feel sure that his experiences during his sabbatical will enliven his lectures for years to come.

Next I am pleased to announce that, for the first time, we will have the services of a visiting speech and language therapist to help our boys improve their lisps. Parents who wish their children to take advantage of this should apply in writing to Mith Tharah Thmith-Thanderthon care of the school admin office.

Last term’s practice O and A level exams went well, with truly exceptional results in the biology exams. Eric Northman in particular received praise for his essay on the human cardiovascular system. He has been nominated for the St Vigeous “Most Improved Pupil” award, proof that the additional tutoring he has received from anatomy teacher Miss Stackhouse is paying dividends. Any other parents who feel their sons would benefit from Miss Stackhouse’s personal attentions should apply through the school admin office.

St Vigeous continues to do well on the sports field, especially in athletics. However javelin practice has had to be removed from the sports curriculum after the unfortunate incident last term involving Jeremy Fitzwilliams, late of class 3B. Luckily his quick-witted classmates were able to gather his ashes into an empty cola can for return to his family before the wind dispersed them. Contributions are welcome towards a memorial plaque in the school crypt.

The sports master would also like to apologise for the unfortunate timing that saw the last rugby match of the previous term, against Lycan High School, fall on the night of the full moon. On the positive side, St Vigeous was winning 21-15 before the match had to be abandoned and furthermore I have received a letter of thanks from the headmistress of the Mary Shelley Vocational College saying that several of her pupils (who happened to be amongst the spectators) were able to complete their Higher Certificate in Limb Re-Attachment as a result of the fracas. Please note that since these services were given freely I do not want to hear any more complaints about boys having received the wrong legs or arms.

It seems that garlic stink bombs are making a comeback. Parents and pupils are reminded that the evacuation of classrooms after these so-called pranks causes severe disruption to the school timetable. Henceforth, any boys found in the possession of these odious items will be punished with detention and made to polish the school silverware. You have been warned!

On a more positive note, Miss Lucy Westenra, our school dinner lady, was delighted by the send-off given at her retirement presentation at the end of last term. She has asked me to pass on her sincere thanks for the retirement gifts she received from fond pupils: namely a scarf and a large box of iron supplement tablets.

Let’s make this new term a great one, and remember the school motto: Work Hard, Play Hard, Bite Hard.

Mr William Compton, esq. BA, BEd

Headmaster

St Vigeous’ School for Young Vampiric Gentlemen