Unexplained Phenomenon

Anything that you don’t know the reason for is an unexplained phenomenon.  Let’s consider UFOs for a moment.  Actual UFOs are all around us.  Any time you look up and wonder, is it a bird, is it a plane, is it some sort of drunken superhero, you are technically looking at a UFO; an unidentified flying object.  Just because it’s unidentified doesn’t mean it’s some kind of alien spacecraft.  

If you find yourself thinking that all UFOs are alien in origin, please ask your psychiatrist to increase your dosage.  Alternatively, if you don’t have a psychiatrist, and instead live in BC, Canada, then I suggest you lay off the weed for a couple of days until the walls stop breathing, and parallel lines cease swaying back and forth.  Don’t panic when you come down and realize that tie-dye is no longer in style and that you reek to high heaven.  Just relax, stop desperately searching on the internet for conspiracy theories, go take a shower, get a haircut and a real job.  Please note: “real job” does not include trimming dope plants for your buddy’s grow op.

I read an article recently about some mangy looking desert coyote who had gotten into some farmer’s hen house.  They found the thing dead on the ground, probably pecked to death by some angry female chickens.  No big deal, just toss the thing over the fence for the buzzards to pick at, right?  No, apparently some new-age religious freak got hold of it and is claiming it’s “el chupacabra”, some kind of blood-sucking werewolf like creature that looks like half-rat, half-dog, half-kangaroo.  It’s a supernatural “unexplained phenomenon” so it’s ok for it to have three halves.  I mean, COME ON people!  The thing is a stupid starved coyote, or maybe the neighbour’s dog that they forgot to feed cause they were all zonked out on peyote for a month.

There are a lot of “unexplained phenomenon” around.  Some of is it attributed to aliens or supernatural earthly situations.  Personally I think most of it is easily explainable by anyone with a Grade 12 education and a pair of eyes that aren’t looking through dope goggles.  If most people let the pot smoke clear for a minute, they’d probably realize that the strange alien thing staring at them was actually a mirror and that they have been too busy freaking out over it that they forgot to eat properly for weeks.  

It’s scary what some people do to their bodies, which brings me to what I personally feel is the most unexplained phenomenon of all.  What on earth is inside most people’s heads?  It sure isn’t a brain.  Maybe it’s some sort of alien soup that invaders from outer space implanted into human heads to keep it fresh.  Or maybe the government had been drugging the water with chemicals to keep people subdued, obedient and patriotic; to make them obsessed with unexplained phenomenon and government conspiracies while they sit around in their Nike shoes, eating their big mac at McDonald’s inside the Wal-Mart.  Forest for the trees anyone?  Unexplained phenomenon.  PFFT.