50 Alternative Jobs For Rock Stars

If these 50 rock stars, ten from each recent decade, had not been successful at being “rock stars”, it’s possible these employment opportunities would have been available for them. Some of the jobs are based on appearance, dress, song lyrics, or personality. Have fun reading, and please feel free to add any other suggestions below. I gotta admit, the first one is a bit sarcastic, but anyone who is familiar with the other rock stars will be able to make the connection in an instant.

From the 60’s

Bob Dylan – Would struggle, eventually becoming a vocal coach.
Jimi Hendrix – All things willing, he would be a Theoretical physicist.
David Crosby – Gynecologist.
Jim Morrison – The Doors – African Tour Guide.
Pete Townsend – The Who – Funeral Director.
Mick Jagger – Rolling Stones – Aerobics Instructor.
Keith Richards – Rolling Stones – A well dressed Pirate.
Paul McCartney – The Beatles – Street Vendor, working in London.
Colin Blunstone – The Zombies – Perfume Inspector.
Tina Turner – Roller Derby Queen.

From the 70’s

Ozzy Ozbourne – Black Sabbath – Curmudgeon.
Gene Simmons – Kiss – President of the United States (and he would probably have done a better job than anyone else in the past 25 years).
Peter Criss – Kiss – Mime.
Steven Tyler – Aerosmith – Jazz Dance Instructor.
Jimmy Page – Led Zeppelin – That guy down the street, named “Jim”, that nobody really knows what he does.
Johnny Rotten – Sex Pistols – UN Secretary General.
Billy Gibbons – ZZ Top – Bum.
Joey Ramone – The Ramones – Brain Surgeon.
Cher – Hand Model.
David Bowie – Mission Control at NASA .

From the 80’s

David Lee Roth – Van Halen – Stand up Comedian.
Madonna – Hairdresser.
Sammy Hager – Van Halen – Gas station attendant.
Pat Benatar – Would have been an actress and played Molly Ringwald’s role on “The Breakfast Club”.
Bruce Cockburn – Canadian Premier.
Sting – The Police – Teacher (okay I cheated on this one, being as he already was a Teacher).
Billy Idol – Innocent Bystander.
Axl Rose – Guns N Roses – Auto Mechanic.
Peter Gabriel – Demolition Coordinator.
Robert Smith – The Cure – Beloved on-television Clown.

From the 90’s

Bono – U2 – Televangelist, or something cool where he could spread his views.
Dave Navaro – Tattoo artist.
Michael Stipe – REM – PGA Golfer.
Billy Corgan – Smashing Pumpkins – Pastry Chef.
Courtney Love – Hole – Professional female Wrestler.
Flea – Red Hot Chili Peppers – Dog Walker.
The Edge – U2 – Guru.
Trent Reznor – Nine Inch Nails – Dentist.
Peter Steele – Type O Negative – From what I hear, he would be a favorite Chippendale’s Dancer.
Alanis Morissette – Motivational Speaker.

From the new century

Amy Winehouse – A respected Beautician to the stars.
Justin Timberlake – Shopping cart collector for Wal-Mart.
Jacob Hogarth – Professional Bowler ( and I mean that in the nicest of ways, I love this guy).
Serj Tankian – System of a Down – Graffiti Artist, good graffiti, not that tagging stuff.
Moby – Telemarketer.
Kid Rock – Plumber.
Gerard May – My Chemical Romance – Doorman by day, hip coffee house poet by night.
Gwen Stefani – Mary Kay, makeup sales.
Jonny 5 – Flobots – Unicyclist.
Brendon Urie – Panic at the Disco – Renaissance Fair director.

I hope you had fun with this list, perhaps you can think of other rock stars and what jobs they might have had were they unsuccessful in the music industry.