AGE – Achievement or Loss?

Age is very much an attitude of mind.

As with every other stage of development, there is a process to follow which I call the four A’s:

• Assessment,
• Acceptance,
• Adjustment and
• Achievement.

There are positive and negative aspects to all the manifestations of increasing age. 

We can choose to revel in our new freedoms or to bewail our lost youth, but if we are to be happy, we need to embrace the opportunities offered by this next stage in our life, rather than perseverating in trying to remain in a mode we have outgrown. 

If we can accept ageing as a natural and joyful progression, an extension of our learning and maturing process, then those around us will also see it more positively.

 Too often, age is seen as a failing rather than the triumph it can be. The media, in particular, present it as a fate to be resisted at all costs. But then, they have a vested interest in keeping us from the maturity and wisdom that would enable us to discern their underlying motivation and objectives. 

Societies which accept age are seen as primitive. Perpetual youth is the objective of sophisticated society. But – let’s face it – youth needs its energy and beauty because it has little else going for it! 

Ageing is a process of refinement, a gradual stripping away of excess, an opportunity to consolidate the lessons of a lifetime and concentrate on things that are important to us. 

Death is the next great adventure. 

It is painful to lose a partner, friend or family member, but once the grieving process is accepted, there are compensations. Not least is the knowledge that we are not alone. Someone we love has made the journey before us. 

I wonder if there is not a strange balance in the natural law that seems to decree that women, having spent much of their lives in the shadow of husband and family, have, on average, ten more years of mature development in the sunshine of their golden years than the male of the species. 

Perhaps it has something to do with the traumatic frustration of the male who suddenly loses his lifelong identity on retirement at 65 years.  Women may have adjusted more gradually to progressive role change from nubile young woman to mother, from possible breadwinner or community leader to matriarchal wise woman.  Finally they may surrender to the joy of self-actualisation and the choice of simple childhood values. 

I do not belittle the very real problems that accompany age. Our health may deteriorate. But we also have less pressure to perform or conform and more time and freedom to listen to our bodies and do what feels best for us.

It is a time to concentrate on and enjoy the things we can do rather than bemoan the things we can’t: to look forward with anticipation rather than backward with regret. 

Often we find that the things we relinquish were not as important as we thought, whilst new pursuits become extremely rewarding. 

Men and women find altered sexual responses. Some accept with relief that this is the end of a function they do not regret. Others discover new and often more satisfying ways of expressing their sexuality. When urgency and potency wane, it is possible to enjoy more relaxed and extended pleasures, deeper relationships, gentler methods, more honest and tender exchanges and more fun.