Babes Bikinied

    Once again, it’ s time to go to my (vast) magazine collection country. In this session, we’ re going to take up two particularly scintillating issues: the April 6, 2009 issue of People Magazine with a bikini-clad Valerie Bertinelli on the cover, and the June 8, 2009 issue of People Magazine with a bikini-clad Melissa Joan Hart on the cover.   

    We lift off with People Magazine‘ s cover story on Valerie. On the cover is, as mentioned, our Val, in a green bikini, with one hand tousling her sumptuous brownette hair and smiling ingratiatingly. Open up the magazine and you see, again, our girl, laying upon a surfboard, with, underneath, a quote from her, in large type, saying, or, rather, shouting: “I Can’ t Believe I Did It!” The highlight of the two pages is, of course, Val, spread out upon her surfboard, facing the camera, clad this time in a dark-blue bikini, displaying those delectably long legs and those deliciously bare feet and exhibiting ample evidence that our Val has definitely come a long way from that pigtailed little tyke we saw during the 1970s, clad in a basketball outfit, brandishing a basketball, running over to Bonnie Franklin and squealing: “Mom! Mom! I made the team! I made the team!” On the next page is, yet again, our gal, encased in, again, a green bikini, hands on hips, smiling warmly. The accompanying story begins by telling of Val’ s considerable “insecurity” over publicly wearing a bikini for the first time in almost 30 years (”I thought, Am I really going to do this? Can I pull this off?” she acknowledges). Later, the story tells of how Val tried to pump herself up, as the writer discloses that she told herself: “What am I so afraid of? Come on–it’ s just a bathing suit!” The writer later details Val’ s regimen for getting into bikini shape (running five times a week, “doing regular strength training,” cutting out salt, et al). Further in the story, our girl points out her “jiggly bits”–her upper thighs–and the story reveals that Val slimmed down with the loving support of her fortysomething boyfriend, Tom Vitale, who rides herd upon investment funds for a living and that he too has lost weight–31 lbs., to be exact. This quite lively and highly entertaining story concludes with Lady Val vowing, concerning her determination to keep the weight off: “This is just the beginning of the journey.”