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Celebrity Voicemails

Ever wonder what celebrities say on their outgoing voicemail messages? Here is what a few just might sound like.

First of all, will someone tell the folks at “America’s Funniest Home Videos” to change their name to “America’s Stupidest People?”  Can you believe some of the things these people attempt and actually think it’s a good idea?  Driving a four-wheel, all terrain vehicle up a plank, to the roof of a garage, sure sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it?  No, it’s a stupid idea and not funny.  You want to get a laugh?  Show us a video of that guy in his hospital bed in traction.  That will definitely send the nation into hysterics.

And, also, AMV, showing videos of people getting hit in the crotch was funny the first seven thousand times, but now let’s move on.  Speaking of moving on, let’s move on to this week’s column entitled, “Celebrity Voicemails.”

Wouldn’t it be great if we had a phone book with all the phone numbers and cell phone numbers of some very famous celebrities?  You know they have to record their own outgoing message.  Here is what a few might sound like:

Angelina Joile and Brad Pitt:  Hi, this is Angelina and Brad.  We can’t come to the phone right now.  We’re busy adopting Kenya.  No, not a child from Kenya.  Kenya.  The country.  Please leave a message at the sound of Brad saying, “Why did I leave Jennifer?”

Michael Vick:  Hi, you’ve reached the home of Michael Vick.  I can’t come to the phone right now as I am making a purchase at the S.P.C.A.  Please leave a message at the sound of the bark.

Jon and Kate Plus Eight:  Hi, this is Jon.  I can’t come to the phone right now.  I’m busy coming up with new ways to embarrass my children.  Please leave a message at the sound of the tabloids hitting the stands.

Brett Favre:  Hey, you’ve reached the home of Brett Favre.  I’m not home right now.  I’m out doing some shopping.  No, wait, I don’t think I’ll go shopping.  Maybe I’ll go to the park.  Uh, no, that doesn’t sound like a good idea.  I know, I’m going to grab something to eat.  I’m not really that hungry.  Gee, I really don’t know what I’m going to do.  I could always drive my four-wheel, all terrain vehicle up a plank, to the roof of my garage.  Leave a message at the sound of indecision.

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