Fatherly Lessons From MJ’s Death

“There was nothing strange about your daddy. It was strange what your daddy had to deal with, but he dealt with it,” were the words of Rev. Al Sharpton as he eulogized Pop icon Michael Jackson during a requiem mass at LA’s Staples Center on July 7.

The words of comfort directed at MJ’s orphans, sought to lay to rest what had played itself as a sting of controversy about the “mysterious” life of the King of Pop, who died at the age of 50, despite infecting the rest of the world with his fame courted at barely age Seven.

But even as Sharpton delivered this candid line, MJ’s death had succeeded in opening up a barrage of new debates on parentage. So, what about it? From self-styled pundits to citizen bloggers, everyone seemed to have a contribution worth giving some attention. And indeed bloggers cashed in on this and had a field day, even as there was need for more reflection on what this demise really meant to parents.

So, let us take a moment and reflect yet again on the shadow of MJ. Let us in looking at this as we scour into what we can easily get away with, or raise higher to the clouds, think about the new realities that this monumental event of our lifetime has brought in our midst. Would we be right to look inwards and begin the debate from within ourselves? Would those that are fathers be honorable enough to engage with themselves on what lessons of fatherhood are up for grabs in this? My guess, is yes. For, when we do this with utmost honesty and a conviction that it isn’t just about Michael Jackson, but, the humanity and the very players in it, we partake in healthy debate.

Then this way, you want to ask yourself just what is the place of a father in this debate? Talking points are shrouded with MJ’s fake identity and a family that he only connected with, but, loosely. And a lot of fathers, quickly forget that they might sail deep into this discourse that they end up drowning themselves in guilt. Michael’s father is the senior Joe Jackson, a man who the late icon had beyond reasonable times, publicly slammed for an overbearing parentage that reared its head in physical abuse. So, Michael led a childhood that may not have been very pleasant. So, he may not have had the time like the one easily accorded to you and I, to say, dance in the rain, play hide and seek and fully exploit the benefits of growing in the world of children. As a child, he was busied into the art of making a superstar by a father who should have realized that he was a child and needed that pamper-touch that children are known to return. Senior Joe was successful, but MJ’s transition from childhood was poked with irretrievable transient gaps.

And that is good pork for discourse. But, when you look at the life of MJ, you definitely go back to question his childhood and right there you are turned away at the door-step by the no-nonsense Papa Joe. And of course, we want to think abut MJ’s orphaned children, left at an age so young that they might need so many of us to constantly remind them of what a fine father they had, as they grow up to become adults. And that is the kind of disconnect that a mishap in parentage has resulted into. And it always, can. We can now talk endlessly on how MJ’s children deserve better, but, that will collapse soon as we shut up.We can also, like is akin to human nature, open new blame-mines…we may find it but it will be as elusive as our fake commitment to going all the way underneath the minefields.

What we need to understand from this is that, it can happen to any of us. Yes, even you that is quick to throw sand….no one is immune. But, we can be all immune if we take the lessons coming from this seriously. Two years ago, Sir. Roger Moore (actor James Bond) steadied my world-view of children when during a speech at the UN in New York, he made a passionate appeal to disabuse of the casual treatment of children….He said: “I hate people who refer to children as kids. Please, for my sake and God’s, just call them children…they are not young ones of goats!” Now, that was rather laughable,but, so humbling. We must realize that each and everyone of us is inevitably a child, at some stage in life. And this should guide our forte in how we treat children, for, this depends heavily on what and who they become and in effect dictates the type of society they shape for themselves and generations after them.

MJ’s father transformed him into a robot at an age so young that he missed so much in life and this bore directly on his lifestyle, especially, his self-disposition to plastic-surgeons over what many suspect was an identity crisis. We surely don’t want to do this to any child. We cannot fathom children growing with a weight of pain and vengeance in their chests and still dream that a better world is within reach. Silly?

So, to all fathers out there, ask yourselves whether you’re dutifully executing fatherhood. Ask yourselves whether you’re being the kind of father that you want your son to be or the kind that will husband your daughter those not-so-few years from today. Are we merely failing the generation of tomorrow by giving the children of today much burden to carry when they step up in our shoes some day?

In the words of US President Barack Obama, ask yourself again “If my children and those of yours are to live to 100 years, what world shall they see, what joys shall surround them and what shall we have bequeathed to them?” Let us ask ourselves whether we are arming our children with the right weapons for tomorrow’s challenges. When we sulk in the failures of our generation and christen them as the future of our burning hopes, are we being realistic? Are we according them the right education, love and a sense of security to allow them prevail?

It was ideal to mourn that sad loss, just as it would be necessary also, to think about ourselves. Yes, yourself as a father and ask yourself whether you’re well-equipped to father your child. Look your child in the eye as you answer that question. Should you feel ill-equipped, ask yourself why. For, why would we be bent on contributing more problems to the world than we can get rid of? Imagine that innocent child, say 20, 30, 50 or even more years from now, and ask yourself if what you see is what you really want for them. Let us look at our children through the same lenses that God looks at us and let us be good fathers. We might just change the world of children for better!