Madonna: The Queen of Smut Even Out-Smuts Herself

For some perverse reason Madonna is considered a sacred cow. Just ask comedian Sacha

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Baron Cohen who had the temerity to make a very funny and pointed joke at Madonna’s expense during the 2009 Golden Globe Awards.

“Madonna had to get rid of one of her personal assistants,” Cohen said. “Our heart goes out to you, Guy Ritchie.”

An audible gasp filled the room as the camera caught certain celebrities looking on in stern disapproval including Selma (are my tits big enough in this?) Hyek and Sandra (butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth) Bullock. Personally I think any sacred aspect of Madonna should be flicked and the cow part remain.

You’ve got to hand it to Madonna, just when you think she has out-smutted herself she pulls off another lurid shocker. In her new video, ‘Celebration’ she continually points at her aging crutch multiple times, while being suitably fondled by her twenty-two-year-old boyfriend Jesus. (Not to be confused with the famous carpenter from the Bible)

This self confessed strict mother of a 12-year-old daughter (Lourdes) won’t let the poor kid watch TV, but has no problem dressing the child up like a whore and parading her pubescent body in front of the camera for millions to see in the very medium she professes to hate.

Madonna made a deep impression on my generation. She inspired millions of women to walk all over men and encouraged gays and lesbians to become even bitchier than they already were. Does this make me sound puritanical? Hey, I’m as smutty and bitchy as the next person, but at least I don’t make myself out to be a high minded know-it-all parading around, like a saint in stilettos. Besides, my feet are too big.

I know people who idolize this woman. My friend Samantha thinks she can do no wrong. My cousin Kate thinks she is a God. My gay friend Matthew wants to be her. They are only three people among millions who worship the material girl as if she is some kind of deity.

My big problem with Madonna is that despite her talent, her fame, the accolades and the mega bucks she is basically a self obsessed megalomaniac whose fans think she is beyond reproach.

In her fly on the wall documentary, ‘Truth or Dare’, which followed her ‘1990 Blond Ambition tour’ she had no problem treating people (boyfriend, family, friends, employees and fans) like dirt beneath her feet. As far as she is concerned her shit doesn’t stink and this only stirs the stench of adoration from her gushing devotees.

And if you think I’m saying all this negative stuff because I hate her music, think again. I actually don’t mind some of her songs and to give credit where credit is due she has managed to stay ahead of the game with consistent success and vigor. I for one would never have believed that she would be as relevant today as she was back in the eighties.

Despite admitting this through clenched teeth I really think she has lost it now. Even her once ultra loyal brother wrote an unauthorized biography on his tempestuous sister who he says is terrified of aging. Going by her latest video it looks like she has no intention of aging with any form of grace, class or dignity. But how could you expect grace, class and dignity from someone who never actually had it in the first place.

Mm, I wonder, is it time for Madonna to close the shutters or will she once again reinvent or re-infect herself upon the world now that her famous twat has entered its fiftieth decade?

I guess only time and menopause will tell.