Where does a thirty-something go when they’re all clubbed out, kebabed out and but don’t feel clapped out?

Must they face the truth – their best of years, looks and men and/or women are behind them?

Must the only thing left to face be a Friday night playing board games with strangers who they used to mock, while the youth party and get laid?

You’re never too old to bingo I’m told with that handsome Royal Prince William schmoozing with less well known grannies on a night out at Reading’s Mecca Bingo…yes its true! (One wonders what is the greater sin… being caught in a Bingo hall or being caught in Reading?)

Should thirty-somethings settle into their new status with pride or blubber over all the things they meant to do but haven’t – learn to play that piano/guitar/didgeridoo, read all the great tomes of the day, understand the true beauty of a fine wine from a mediocre one, land the love of their lives, bed many, finally write that novel, skydive and live to tell the tale. What, what, what have you achieved for all your advanced years? Think dammit.

The minutes clock up as we wait. Perhaps more important to answer is the question what will you do now?

Perhaps they will write a list and set out to achieve one or more of these things to feel truly justified that they deserve having reached this new age.

Surreal thoughts cloud your mind… ‘I will meet sophisticated beings of a similar social standing or better…in chatrooms… squash courts… art galleries and London’s snooty members clubs. I will be mature. Such thinking does not stay in your head for long.

You do what you always do.

Don’t set any goals.

If as a twenty something you went out, got bladdered and ended up in bed with a toad, go out and do the same again tomorrow, you’ll feel better. Then bask in the reprimands received from friends, family and co-workers who wonder when you’re going to quit your regular nightwalks like a cat in heat and settle down.

There’s nothing wrong with being flirty or dirty for that matter. You are what you are. Embrace this fact and go out and do what you do best.

Whether it be to man, women, sheep or dog.

Don’t fill your head with fanciful ideas of a new you or brighter tomorrow.

Why do you think that New Year’s resolutions are always broken, because the fun part is holding out for as long as you can until the real you can’t take it any more and bursts out.

Besides you have the big 40 watch out for and you know what they say about that.