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Royal Wedding Tattoo Scandal

New blood enters the British Royal Family as Kate Middleton is all set to marry Prince William. The amazing thing is that Kate is not an aristocrat. She is middle class with relations who run a chip shop! But of course she has to be introduced to the ways of Royalty and a Coat of Arms has been specially created for her. How will she wear this new badge, as a Tattoo?

The great talent of the British Royal Family is to constantly re-invent itself and survive. Stay in touch with its subjects - at a distance of course. While at the same time hanging onto its freebie lifestyle of gracious living, servants, luxury goods, long holidays, stately homes, castles and more servants. 

The wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William is a Public Relations triumph. Imagine, a living, breathing, ordinary person has been admitted to one of the most exclusive clubs in the world.

The British Royal Family.

In an inspired moment Prime Minister Tony Blair named Prince William’s mother, Princess Diana as the People’s Princess. But she was actually from an aristocratic family with a much longer English history than her husband’s family. The Windsors are mostly German. The family changed their name from Battenburg to Windsor during the first World War against Germany, to appear more patriotic.

Now Kate Middleton has her part to play.Her role is to introduce a genuine, ordinary, Englishness into the Royal line.

Her coat of arms has been created for her by the College of Arms which of course is in the business of giving an identity to distinguished families. But now all the Middletons will be entitled to use the coat of arms. The chip shop owner could display it above his shop door, stamp it on his salt and vinegar pots! After the wedding Kate will be allowed to put her crest alongside that of her genuinely Royal husband.

But there is a scandalous rumour going round. Kate is such an ordinary, common person that she has had the crest placed in another, much more ordinary way. Tattoos are very popular amongst the lower classes. The rumours say she has had her Coat of Arms tattooed on her body.

It is said to be there in full glorious Blue, Red and Gold, complete with acorns to represent English oak trees, and chevrons to represent hills and valleys.

But where on her body? It is where the paparazzi will never see, no matter how long their lens. The tattoo is on an intimate part of her body, waiting to be revealed to Prince William on the wedding night.

It is on her newly Royal bum. Allegedly. Pure class.

 

 

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