Royalty’s Roving Sex Ambassador Andy

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Royalty Misfits:

Like a perpetual School Of Scoundrels, British monarchy has always spawned a steady line of misfits, latest addition being Prince Andrew, Trade Ambassador now also known as His Buffoon Highness Roving Sex Ambassador, Fellow Royal Society Of Buffoons. They marry with great pomp and publicity only to live separately, then divorce and/or have extra-marital affairs like Prince Charles and Prince Andrew. Initially Randy Andy had flings with Koo Stark, porn star for a long period, then under-age Virginia Roberts etc., before marrying Sarah Ferguson “Fergie”. Fergie has had her quota of flings inside and outside marriage, and after two daughters, had opted for divorce within a span of ten years. Prince Charles has had Camilla Shand as mistress-in-waiting from as early as 1970. Camilla was of course genetically programmed to be The Royal Mistress. She claimed that her great-great Grand-mother happened to be the mistress of Charles’ great-great Grandfather, Edward VII. Even after her marriage to Parker-Bowles, and his marriage to Princess Diana, the two were seeing each other on the sly. Forced on the backfoot Diana also had to break free from the cruel shackles of so-called Royalty’s whims and fancies. Once while on a romantic high Charles mumbled in a phone conversation that he just wanted to be Camilla’s tampon.  Apparently the Royal Stables never had much class or pedigree, turning out with regular regularity the Royal Philanderer Frigates and Women Destroyers.

The Royal Bumble Bees:

Committing public follies and social faux-pas has been a bumbling habit with British Royalty for years. Even after gifting a Love Nest to Lillie Langfry, an actress, the married Edward VII had a grouse against his mistress. “I have spent so much on you that it could have got me a battleship”. The saucy Lillie’s retort was point blank, “..and you have spent enough in me to float a battleship”. Edward VIII who was King, abdicated his throne for the wicked love of a twice-married Wallis Simpson. Like Bill Clinton who confessed he smoked occasionally but did not inhale, Edward also had a famous quote. While the whole world knew they were sleeping together, he is said to have told his mother that they were not sleeping, only lying around. British Diplomats like to rub it into their Highness when opportunity surfaces. It is they who have coined the word, His Buffoon Highness for Randy Andy.

Prince Andrew:

As the Duke of York and British Trade Ambassador, he has been roaming the world on British Tax-payers’ money, holding an honorary post. The Royal entourage consists of 6-salaried Civil Servants, one ADC, one Private Secretary, Security Officials and a Valet. His ample luggage also consists of a Six Feet Ironing Board which may or may not double as Sex Furniture. Recently he has been in the news for all the wrong reasons. American Paedophile and sly-profile Business Tycoon, Jeffrey Epstein has been using Randy Andy for his extra-curricular activities and offering him sexual favours in his Florida Mansion and Tramp Nightclub. His Sunninghill Park Mansion which was lying unsold for 12-Million Pounds has now found a mystery buyer for 15-Million Pounds. Oui! cherchez la femme! Kazakh socialite, Goga Ashkenziz is the unique buyer. People are saying, Randy Andy is going ga-ga over Goga or something to that effect