The Shame of Great Britain Awards

The other day, I was watching the pride of Britain awards and I couldn’t help but being amazed by what “normal” people can actually achieve. There were toddlers climbing into boiling water to rescue a sibling; motorway heroics; dog wrestling children; soldiers; cancer survivors; and the list goes on. All of these people are inspiring and utterly admirable.

The Awards were held on ITV and hosted by the geometrically improbable Carol Vorderman. There was an array of famous and influential guests, including Gordon Brown and absolutely no expense was spared until James Cracknell was hired to cycle an award recipient to the ceremony. Nevertheless, we all got the general picture – It’s great to be British.

Unfortunately, whilst slaughtering time watching the very same channel, an advert came on for a program following the seemingly contrived life of a certain Miss Price. I couldn’t have witnessed a greater contrast even if a eunuch stood by a donkey. I was honestly amazed by how a woman could go so far and be so famous whilst portraying her country in such a dim light. So if Katie price or Jordan, the name she also goes by, was to be nominated an award at the pride of Britain awards, what would it be? And what would her other less than pride-inducing pals win?

The award for hypocritical self sympathy.

This is awarded to the individual who displays the greatest amount of self sympathy for something they don’t actually seem to care about themselves. Katie price has recently revealed to the press that an unknown male celebrity had raped her. Let’s consider this crime shall we – rape. An absolutely horrific ordeal in which the victim is in constant fear and uncertainty. There is a large chance of physical injury or death as well as the gut wrenching abhorrent nature of a violent and uncontrollable man on top of you. Very few women will describe this as anything less than overwhelming and life-changing. The effect of this abhorrent and adverse attack would be noticeable and likely to effect confidence.

I must point out that this is not stating that Katie price didn’t experience an event that would be technically classified as rape. Isn’t it strange though that she is still able to flaunt herself and advertise the fact that she is single and wild to a television audience. Yes, it is strange and surprising that she would mention this given she makes a living by provoking sexual outrage in the media – practising sex scenes fully clothed on TV; talking openly about sex on her own reality TV show and even outraging ASDA regarding their breast cancer campaign. I must again state that no attempt is being made to discredit any claims of sexual violence by Jordan. So that’s her award now onto some other nominations.