The Ten Greatest Crimes Against Fashion: Watch What You Wear

We all commit them, but some of us are guiltier and should be sentenced to life in prison. Looking at men and women walking on the street and in shopping malls, you can’t help but think that something is terribly wrong with their dressing. The following should be made punishable by law and Interpol informed not to let fashion criminals go scot-free.

1. Tight underwear – Some men and women have never known their right size and will try to squeeze themselves into underwear meant for children of less than ten years. Such underwear draws panty-lines that are an eyesore to look at and should be punishable by a death sentence.
2. Wrong size of clothing – Just like what I have stated on underclothing, getting coats or skirts, shirts or dresses that are either too large or too small should be punishable by at least two years in prison. Unless somebody bought clothes on your behalf, as an adult, you should know your size.
3. Excess jewellery and make up – Some men and women take it a little too far. There is no problem with wearing make up but when kilos of the same are applied on every exposed part of the body to remain on everything that you touch then you become fit for The Hague.
4. Showing underwear – You may be having the latest thongs or something closer to that but showing them in public, under the sagging trousers or skirts is a capital crime against fashion. Your bra and bra straps may be beautiful, but under whatever circumstances, they should be under your blouse! Underwear is known as underwear because it is supposed to remain under!
5. Not dressing your age – You must have seen grannies in mini skirts and grandpas in shorts, these are miserable sightings that should be frog marched to the international criminal court at The Hague. Men and women should be reminded to dress their age when walking the street!
6. Wearing too many colors – Honestly, how do you walk around dressed in so many colors like a rainbow? Experience reveals that one should wear not more than three combined colors. Why anyone would want to wear purple, blue, black green and orange on the same day is beyond my grasp.
7. Petticoat under the slits – Slits are meant for two things, to allow you free movement when the skirt or dress is tight or to show some leg. Don’t spoil the part by wearing petticoats under the slits, it is poor fashion sense and makes you look primitive!
8. Wrong shoes – You must have come across men and women dressed in office suits combined with sports shoes! It doesn’t get worse than this. Those Reebok or Nike Shoes are casual wear that does not fit any serious occasion. The last thing you should do is combine them with suits or other official wear.
9. Missing buttons/zips – You may be too busy to notice but walking around unzipped or unbuttoned is just…ugh, I nearly puked just thinking about it. Loose buttons and zips should be mended and or replaced to prevent such nightmarish crimes against fashion.
10. Accessories – Actually I don’t know what to call them but those pins that men and women stick on their ears, their nose, their tongue, their belly buttons and every where you can imagine. Why anyone would decide to walk with lots of heavy metals hanging in the wrong places defeats me.

These and many other crimes against humanity require a constitutional amendment that will make them punishable by law!