Wall Flowered

 As outgoing as I am, I am the most socially awkward and painfully shy person I know.  It is to the point that I actually come off weird, stuck up, or annoying! I claim weird, but stuck up and annoying I am not. Oh, and if I go out with someone and meet “their people” it seems even worse. I just sit or stand someplace and I just do not talk or anything and for the most part, people do not come up to me either, not really. I feel like I have to have someone right there. I get major anxiety. I just do not get it though. I look at myself and think, what is wrong with me? Was is because I was the outcast after my freshman year of high school? I mean don’t get me wrong, I was the social butterfly in school, but after freshman year I was not invited to anything at all. I stayed home because I was not wanted. If I did not stay home I was with whomever I was dating at the time. Now that I look back, I want to say sorry to those guys for isolating them from whatever fun they were missing out on.

 I guess I just do not want to turn into a boring old drab. As it is, what little bit of social life I have I feel like I am messing up. I feel like people can’t take me out in public, or that I am too weird. Am I better off as that friend you only hang out with at home? Or the friend you go out with places, but not in a social setting? Am I the movie friend or the shopping buddy? I don’t blame people for wanting to be my friend and then only hanging out one on one. I only need a handful of friends anyway. But trust me, I do not have anyone banging on my door begging to go hang out. Sometimes I wish I did, but alas no. How sad and pathetic is that really.

Image by Thox via Flickr