Loneliness, love, missing, alone.
With every single day my sadness is filling me inch by inch. I don’t know why. There is a miss somewhere, something and someone. Amidst the crowd my eyes still hunts for the missing character desperately. I don’t know when this search will end. Something is difficult to happen but never impossible. Why not stay with it rather than live without? Why do all the bricks not lie kissing each other without leaving a tiny hole in between? Why is this separation and in imagination? All the streets I walked, mountains I climbed, rivers I crossed, rains I drenched in and all actions to alienate me from the missing factor brought me over and over again closer to it. Why? When all the rafts are broken and water had flooded me and I plunged deep inside, why does it take me up? Why does it not allow me float away? Why does it not allow me to replace? Why doesn’t it allow me to rest in peace? What sort of feeling is that? When all desperate attempts to bury the character make it even more prominent and alive? Should these leaves remain the only witness to my inner true feelings all my life? Am I so unlucky to even not express what had left impression on me?
I don’t know why I am blank, why am I dry, why I am still empty when my surrounding is filled. The same people, few new and many old ones but still there is a miss. Who am I waiting for (probably I pretend not knowing and sometimes I don’t) and why is it not letting me not wait for it, I really do not know. But there is a strange connection. An invisible but strong string attached. Why do I hate it to discover that I love it even more and play a sick game with me? Why can’t it end in my peace? Why is something crying aloud inside me and I can’t help? It is a feeling where you don’t know exactly what will consistently make you happy. Every day you discover that you are changing and becoming a loner. But when you do get busy with someone, you get suffocated with too much of their presence or absence. A slight touch of fear and deep sorrow uproots you.