I have always wanted to write a book, I have tried many times but been put off because of

My terrible spelling and bad grammar. And the usual lack for words.

I am trying to write this book as though as if I am talking to you, as I have never written a book before or even a diary for that matter. I really am jumping in at the deep end for allowing myself to go ahead with this. I should have joined a writers club or something of that nature, or at least taken some time out to research what I am writing about.

The thing is, I have it all in my head now what I want to say, as this book is more of an experience rather than fiction. So I could say I have already done my research, well at least I did do something right then.

What I want to write about is very controversial and even unbelievable but this did happen to me and as happened to many people, this book is more about the experience we have when we meet and fall in love with the opposite sex or the same sex if it works for you, and the effects it as afterwards when the relationships break up. Actually it’s a lot deeper than that and takes a different road all together with what I have to say about the matter.

I fell in love when I was seventeen to a fifteen year old girl who was very pretty and very charming, her name was Kathryn, and yes she was still at school, her last year actually, well six months to go before she left in July. That’s when the kids have their six weeks school break for the summer season. And go back in September. Her sixteenth birthday fell in April and I met her in October just after my seventeenth birthday, so nothing in it really when it comes to age gap, ok, for those concerned about any other matters that might disturb their mind while reading this. I promise you, you will recover from any sordid thoughts that might have entered your head again while reading this.

Only joking with you while I think about something else I want to say about love and emotions we give away while in a relationship.

I really loved my girlfriend, she was my life and I would have done anything to keep us from breaking up, but she wanted to be with another man and that was the end of that.

I did try everything actually to stop her from going with him, I begged and pleaded with my life, but that did not do anything. I was gutted, and felt like dyeing, I remember now, crying my heart out to her the day she left me. Yes it was very sad indeed and that day will never leave me. I always say there is no greater pain or sorrow than that of losing a loved one. It’s just a case of getting over it and bounce back on with living again. If you can that is?

The after effects are what puzzle me, when I think about what I went through, the first thing I noticed was my feelings had died, and I had no emotions for anything or any one for that matter. I was told at the time by my doctor that emotions do go away for a while

And they come back in time, it’s the way the brain deals with these things, he told me I just had to sit it out for bit till things come back. All well and good for him to say that, how long did I have to wait because this was killing me, literally. I never had an experience like that before I met Kath. And I really hoped I would never have another one. You know to deal with heartache is a lonely matter it also tortures ones mind as well. The things that I was thinking back then about why she left me, I did blame my self for a long time and though she left me, I could not find it in my heart to hate her. I just wanted my Kathy back. But she really did not belong to me.

Why do we men give up our hearts so easily? I mean we worship woman, we love them and protect them and give our lives for them. A man will love a woman go to the ends of the Earth to keep one, just to be shattered and have their heart and soul ripped clean out for the sake of it. I wonder what kind of madness this is because we go right back and do it again. Fall in love I mean.

I will admit I am a type of person that is once bit twice shy, and find it very hard to trust a woman again; women have told me that they have the same problem with men, and that they suffer just the same as men do when playing the love game.

I had to use the term “playing” because I think that is what exactly woman do, they play with our feelings, I am being sincere here because I grew up with three sisters who played around with their boyfriends, I saw each one of these young men being lead around the bush by my heartless trio of sisters. I also remember my sisters friends who did just the same with their boyfriends and husbands, they would go with other men and lie all the time make excuses and then cry to put the blame and guilt right back on to the unsuspecting male who was naïve enough to play this cruel game. It as to be a right joke for woman that make fools of us, as we are like dogs who go back to their own vomit.

I also know that a woman can and will often go straight with another partner after finishing a long or short term relationship with a man. Its like the frying pan going straight from the stove onto the fire, this is a term meaning that a flame can be kept alight and not die, how and why I wonder can a woman do this? I know they call this a rebound because they use this word as an excuse to go straight back into another relationship. Well in my mind how can a person go back into a relationship just after being blown apart by a partner who as left you to gutted to try again, a person needs time to recover from a broken heart, and I cannot understand if this woman did love and loose a man that she would want another man to heal her wounds so quick, because this just does not work like that. Like I was told by my doctor, it takes time and space to get back the emotions one had, and that requires ones own heart to mend it, not another mans. That would be down right selfish to use another life force to add already to the one she got from a previous partner, is this, what a vampire does?

Now I did say that this was going to get controversial, well I think it already as by now, the claws are out and the gossip of a woman’s tongue is tasty to swallow.

If my opinions are offending any reader then let me apologise right away, I am not meaning woman to be down right nasty or classing them as evil creatures but let me just say this, who better than the devil himself to rip out a mans heart and soul and leave him destroyed in the gutter to rot and perish while she as the house and kids and then as the gall to ask for child maintenance while in the meantime she’s already got another man in your house.

Could this be a woman I wonder? They say love is blind, but not as vicious and cruel as this.

What ever a man is he would not leave a woman or his children homeless or add insult to injury. Your now going to ask what planet I come from, well I am only talking from experience and from what I have seen in the past, and you know I am right about who gets the house and kids, also the extra cash,. The law always seems to be on the woman’s side no matter what a man does to protect himself.

It’s a shame it as to be like this, I know the laws are changing now so men can have access to the children more often, but why did woman make it difficult for us in the first place?

I watched my mother bring up eight children I was the youngest of them, but I do remember her tending to the other seven, it must have been very difficult for her to cope with eight kids, she did get stressed out at times, especially when my two brothers used to fight all the time, and my sister never ending of wanting things, “can I have can I have”,

My mother used to say to them, the correct grammar is “May I have” and “Yes you can have” I remember that well.

They was wanting all the time, my sisters, they were never satisfied with anything.

Even when I was at school, I remember all the girls going around the playground trying to out wit each other to see who could get the best looking lad, and the looks on their faces when the lads did not want to know. That kind of look a woman gives you when you turn your back on them, and show no interest, well that is a fatal move to make with a woman isn’t it. “The Devil has no wrath like a woman scorned”

The girls at school used to be very spiteful and cruel. They would call you horrible names, and make gossip about you, and your family, I got called nit head because I came to school with head lice one day, the funny thing was I got the head lice of the girl I sat next to in class, her family was riddled with them. Mind you all kids call each other, and all kids can be cruel, I am no exception, I was horrid with my name calling, I could come out with some right bolters. And make the girls cry. A bit of a little monster me. But I did have my charming ways.

Just getting back to my mother again, I did notice she had a favourite out of the eight children she had, it was my older brother, and I did wonder why he got most of the attention, I suppose I was a bit jealous of him, but I was more curious to know why really, I was a bright lad but very quiet and shy, when I was young, I used hide behind the furniture when we had visitors, or dive behind the door so I would not be noticed when my friends called round, my family teased me about this all the time and thought I was a bit odd.

I just remember being very shy and embarrassed about my hair style, and my flared trousers and woolly jumpers. I hated my hair; it was very fine and cut from a cereal bowl that was placed on my head when cut by my mother. My clothes was hand me downs from my older brothers. I looked like a right raga muffin.

I shudder now thinking about it. I was skinny as well. A right bean pole my sister used to say to me. I really had a complex about my self and spent too much time thinking about it.

I needed my mother at that time but I could not get close to her for some reason.

My mother was a very intelligent woman, she had all these wise sayings I remember. The neighbours used to come round to talk to her and get advice from her, we always had people company at our house, a lot of friends my mother had back then, mostly the people from the street, we all went to their houses as well, there was this real community spirit, all the neighbours helped each other and took turns looking after each others kids.

But I never felt needed by any of them. I really did feel in the way all the time, I ran away from home a lot, but was always brought back by the police the next day or two. This stopped when I got to sixteen, as I knew I did not have to run away no more, I could just leave on my own accord. Actually I did just that at sixteen I got a flat and a job on a building site as a labourer.

My mother would try her best to install good manners into us, she used to say never ask from any body or take from any one and always say please and thank you when given sweets or toys. We did our best to oblige but failed pathetically. As my sisters would always ask for things from everybody, and say “bloody hell is that all you got”

The girl next door that I liked would come round to see if I was coming out to play, the first thing she would ask for is if I got any sweets or money, when I said no she cleared of with other boys.

I am not writing this book because I have had bad experiences with woman, I know it reads like that but honestly I am above that. This book is intentionally to give men a better insight to woman, and to give woman an equal opportunity they deserve when they think they are made out of all things nice and candy and spice, and we men are made of puppy dogs tails and slugs and snails. That’s not fair is it?