Belief in Nothing Gives Me Hope in Everything
Growing up in a small West Tennessee town, as a Caucasian female, my parents and grandparents taught me the rules on thinking. You must have faith in our God, you must always check Republican at every election for every position, hate against different races is wrong but don’t you dare date outside of yours, and finally never question these rules… its the way my mama thought and her mama and her mama before her etc. etc. and on and on throughout history. When did it become wrong to feel and believe the way you truly believe?
I’ve lost hope in many things, life has gotten me down to the point of giving up. Once I found myself being true to my own feelings, I found a freedom regardless of the outside opinion. It meant letting go of how others perceived me and taking hold of my right to individuality.
People have asked me how I could be happy or positive when I believed in nothing. Every time I am questioned this way, I must correct them for they have it all wrong. Maybe I don’t have faith an a physical or spiritual thing, but I have faith in myself. I have faith in who I am and hope in what I can be and do. My life has its ups and downs, and I don’t always make the right choices, but I know that I can.
Its very hard to only have yourself to rely on. Never could I say it was easy. Its very hard. One thing I have found to be certain is that when you are the only person to let yourself down its much easier to digest so you can get back up and try again with the knowledge of what failure has given you. I haven’t accomplished much of anything I have set forth, yet. But, once I do make it to the finish line I will be able to say I did this on my own and my self worth doesn’t depend on my surroundings. With this honesty I have motivation. I only need to prove to myself what I am capable of. I only have me to impress.
Everyone who has something to live for is a winner in my book. No matter what it is, as long as you are honest with yourself you can make your life whatever you want it to be. I don’t believe in limitations. Your only as good as what you accomplish. I have nothing but respect for those people. The only thing I desire is the same respect. That may never happen. However, those people who I allowed to let me down will no longer have that power over me. Freedom came when I was honest and success will come when I make it happen.
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