Loving and Being in Love

Rush Limbaugh once said that romantic love is something over which you have no control, like an electrical shock; it just “comes over you.”  This is the Hollywood consensus on love and the kind that sells movie passes (passes AND passes!)
 
C.S. Lewis wrote a book called The Four Loves.  It is based on the biblical terms from the Greek.  There is a familial kind of love, akin to what we feel when we cuddle with our kids and that sense of well being that connects us in an emotive-physical way.
 
Then there’s the erotic, chemistry-biologic attraction that we’re equipped with as part of God’s way of propagating the species, triggered mainly by our senses and our instincts.
 
There is friendship/camaraderie type love that we achieve here on PO by our shared interests and our open dialogue.  It’s a give and take mutual satisfaction love that can become very rewarding and surprisingly deep.
 
Finally there is divine love, agape love (ah-GAH-pay), which is a mental and spiritual choice, totally selfless, whereby a person purposely seeks the betterment and fulfillment of the one loved, not in order to receive benefit in return but purely out of a godly nature.  This is what the King James Bible translated “charity.”  Of course, that word has gotten a bad name because the purveyors of so-called charity have become notorious for looking down their noses at those less privileged than themselves.  Anyway, this is to be the love that believers are to display toward others and toward God.  Jesus told us to “love your neighbor” as well as “love your enemies”, etc.
 
“Being in love,” in my experience, can be a combination of all of the above loves to one degree or another.  None of them by nature are superior, they are just different.  I guess the strongest bond one could imagine would be a balanced combination of all the loves, and this often happens in a married relationship over the course of time, especially when there is a solid commitment to endure the tough times that come inevitably in all marriages.  There are times when I fall in love with Linda all over again, and it hits me like Rush’s lightning bolt.  Then there are times we are both called on to love selflessly without expecting reward, simply because we know we should and must do so.  Many parts of our love come from shared interests in religion, music, movies, etc.  And, of course, that familiar tingling of physical attraction can be a tremendous reward when the moment is right.
 
Yes, I highly recommend marriage as an ideal institution.  Haven’t you always wanted to live in an institution??
 
Dangers arise when people encounter the desire to “be in love” with someone (or anyone) before they are ready to truly give and receive different kinds of love in a mature, balanced way.  Puppy love and infatuation are two symptoms of such immaturity.  God designed us to be led very easily from seeing to desiring to seeking to trusting to coupling to parenting, in physical terms.  That’s why part of early character training should include delayed gratification, judicious control of our emotions, etc.  
 
Hope nobody is yawning.  Suffice it to say “loving” someone is to gladly and selflessly seek his or her good.  ”Being in love” is a highly charged emotional state that can be heavenly or hellish depending on the readiness and maturity of the people involved.