Middle Age Replace Your Demons with Angels

I have also read that a person’s bad memories are muted, the brain stores them away as to not inflict more pain than has been endured by the experience the first time around. If this is true I wonder why I have been remembering some really awful episodes in my life, some dating back to even school days?

Is this recollection of bad experiences a warning to my consciousness to not make these mistakes again?  I do hope so.  I also do have nice memories of past vacations or past scenarios with lovers.  However the tendency seems to veer towards dark painful memories.

 I am in a situation of having far too much time on my hands whilst I wait for two major operations.  I keep busy by writing however when I have to rest these awful memories come tapping at the back of my mind and I have to shake them back to their black boxes.

By nature I am not a depressive person and I do try to look on the bright side of life and I can make other people laugh with my wit.  My partner is helping me by the use of positive thinking which is manifesting itself in a book on the “Laws of Attraction” and a DVD entitled  “The Secret”  I have never been a fan of fads or new crazes to alter one’s self I find them embarrassing if I am being honest.

However the “Secret” does seem to make sense to me.  The Secret tells us to think positively, it teaches us to aim for a goal in life, to aim for something that we want no matter how high we aim.  I have recently entered a writing competition for a pilot TV show.  Now before I emailed the entry my partner read my entry and she said it was very good.  I replied by saying that I won’t win but I’ll try, to which she said why have that attitude? If you don’t think you can win it why try?

I do not want to delude myself I am the next J.K Rowling however a defeatist attitude will only lead to defeat.  When one of these negative black thoughts creep into my waking consciousness I am trying to replace it with a positive one.  For instance if I remember a job scenario that I didn’t like I will think of a day in that job that I did like, to balance out the negativity.

I think a lot of so called middle aged people go through this soul searching episode in their lives.  I have already done the fast car cliché to recapture my youth, I enjoyed it but it cost too much to run proving that I’m all grown up now and look on the sensible side of life. 

For anyone in my position if you do happen to dwell on the black side of life, however hard it is for every negative hit back with a positive and see how the day transpires?

Lord Banks