Why is it that I feel lonely? I guess I’m just so use to having that other human just being with me, hanging out, talking, laughing, taking care of me, listening to my woes, my imagined woes and growing old with me. But in reality, it is a fact, a one ultimately real fact that all of us are destined to existential loneliness, being the captain of our ship, so to speak. At least we think we are the captain of our ship anyway, don’t we? We’re all full of crap aren’t we? We just here for awhile, maybe 70-80-90 years, some a lot less. Everyday I look in the paper and read the obituary about some guy or girl younger than me just gave it up and are gone from this planet, a mere sprinkling of dust left behind. The larger question always is: what did they do with the time they spent here? What am I doing with the time I’m spending here, now? Am I being all I should be or not? All I know is that I am me, maybe that’s good or maybe not, but one thing I am sure of, just wanting everything for yourself is not the way to go. It’s really not about me, it just can’t be, it’s not about anyone in particular because once these people go to the grave, soon they’re lost in the sea of history, all the events of their lives are forever disposed of into the great deleted e-mail wastebasket of human history. All they did during their lives is given over to the next generation of lives in constant motion trying to discover the ultimate meaning of existence. Not that our lives are a waste, mind you, there just a microcosm of the great plan that God has for all of us in the firmament of His creation. I guess that’s why as we get older, many of us turn to the Creator because we do begin, with wisdom start to see that the only real captain is God. God is really a choice, though it’s just so easy to try and explain Him away. Our society as a whole is trying to do just this one thing. The good ole’ U.S. is trying the best we can to move toward a world where He is outa’ here and we can finally be on own. If this continues, and by most indications it will, then we truly are on our own and we can see what happens in that scenario. All manner of problems arise and no human has any true answers how to fix them. God does have answers, even in the face of tragedy but it’s easier to get mad at Him and turn away. I’ve done as much and I haven’t even faced any real tragedies in my life comparatively speaking.

This loneliness that seems to grab me comes from the familiarity of always having a human being to experience the nuances of my life and to share all my fears and joys with on a daily basis. It’s just that, familiarity… must learn to see that all things come to an end, no matter how much delusion I want to grab hold of. I don’t want an end to this familiarity in my life. Let’s face it, I’m afraid. I’ve always been afraid of so many things.

I’ve always pushed forward, on-ward and up-ward, pushed to my ultimate dream of having a large family and a successful business. Now I have those things, but I’m still afraid of things, but I now realize that the only real thing I have is my faith to carry on with my life to it’s ultimate conclusion and to live prayerfully for God. By asking Him to just let me touch someone today, I am in hope that whatever I’ve done in my 55+ years of life, all my successes, all my failings, all my rebellion, can be somehow passed on to someone else. Maybe it’s my kids, maybe it’s some homeless guy that just needs a friendly face to see a chance for a way out. Maybe those homeless folks don’t want out, they just want to see someone from the other side and know that people like me want to send them God’s love, that somehow I could be a reflection of that love. That’s all I can do, because Him being the ultimate captain of my ship, all I have a hope for is to pass it on, because no-one get’s out of here alive, so we can if we want, move God out, but it’s not going to make anything better, only worse. To have Him is to have hope for something greater in the next existence, one with which we hope there will be no fear, no loneliness and only joy, peace and happiness. It all sounds so corny and 1st grade religion type stuff, doesn’t it? It should because as we get older, we must get younger, hopefully it will lead to our ultimate redemption from all sin and failings of our previous, pride-filled life. It’s time to accept Jesus into my heart and face the future with hope and confidence.