Perception and Reality

4. Tammy is 50 years old. She is a hard worker. She is happy and social and friendly. One day Tammy goes to the store and a nice looking young man gets behind her in line. She notices him because he looks so much like her son and it makes her smile. Suddenly the young man pulls out a gun and puts it to her head. He tells the cashier to clean out the drawer or he will shoot this woman. Tammy is terrified. The cashier stops for a moment in shock. This is enough to make the boy very angry and he shoots the gun off into the ceiling as a warning. Tammy trembles. The cashier immediatly does as he was told and the young man grabs the money and releases Tammy, who collapses. The boy leaves.

Fast forward… Tammy has now been in counseling for 8 months. This event traumatized her so much that she was hospitalized and even after her release she refused to leave the house or see anyone but her sister. Today however is her daughter’s birthday. Her daughter has agreed to keep it only to immediate family if only her mother would try and come. Tammy loves her daughter so she agrees to go. As promised it is only Tammy’s sister and brother, her son and his wife and her daughter and boyfriend. Tammy is however obviously uneasy. She will not look at her son or her daughter’s boyfriend at all. She stays off to herself in the corner chair for most of the event and leaves right after cake. Later her sister goes to check on her at home and Tammy is lying in bed upset. Tammy’s sister asks her what was wrong and tells her that the boys were worried and mildy concerned that they did something wrong. Tammy informs her sister that she was shaken by the fact that both boys looked like her assailant and that her daughter’s new boyfriend was even kind of aggresive. Tammy’s sister explains that she did not see him become angry or aggresive but Tammy is certain of it and refuses to be around him again.

Tammy is projecting on anyone who is relatively similar to the boy who assaulted her. Her son and the daughter’s boyfriend look nothing alike and yet they both remind her of this other boy because they are similar in age and gender. Tammy does not see it because she is so afraid and traumatized that this is her perception of reality.

Ok, so some of these examples were extreme and others could be you or your neighbor, but you get the picture. Our perception of our reality IS affected by the events in our past. Whether we like it or not. Whether we can see it or not. This is true for everybody. I can hear you saying “not me” but I will all but guarantee you that it is. Some of you will walk away from this article and look at other people to see this. Others will look at themselves and see it. Some will do both and still some of you will say I’m full of it and not give it another thought. Whatever you do with this information is up to you and that is your choice. I felt the need to share it because of circumstances that have happened in my own life and things I have witnessed. Maybe this will help some of you better understand yourselves, your friends, or your neighbors. Maybe the next time someone reacts oddly to something that doesn’t make sense to you, you will remember that they have their reasons.

Everyone has baggage. And every action causes another action. I hope this will also make you think of the things you say and do in your life. How are you projecting your reality upon the world? Are you leaving a positive mark or are you leaving a scar? It can’t always be helped if someone else is perceiving things because of their own baggage but we can do our best not to leave others with more than they already carry by speaking kindly and honestly.

And maybe, just maybe, you will figure out what your baggage is and how you perceive things because of it or project yourself because of it. Maybe you will then begin the process of dealing with the baggage so that you can move on without it’s influence.