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Gingrich vs.. Romney: Either Way We’re Screwed

If you thought deciding between who was the least of two evils in 2008 was a tough gig, 2012 is going to be like deciding who you’d rather paintball to death, NSYNC or the Backstreet Boys.

Newt Gingrich-


So let me get this straight.  The GOP is considering nominating a man who made over 150 million dollars after hobbling out of Congress, somehow tumbled into debt and now owes 1.2 million dollars, and task him with fixing the 15 trillion dollar US deficit?  I’d be more comfortable having Marilyn Manson write a kids’ book.


No worries though, according to Gingrich campaign spokesman RC Hammond, “We are beginning to pay off our debts and obligations that the campaign owed.”  That’s wonderful news Mr. Hammond , I’ll count shorn sheet tonight to fall asleep and you can sell the wool to pay back everything Mr. Gingrich owes. 


Time for the microscope: What exactly does Mr. Gingrich waste all his money on?


·         Luxurious non-smoking suites because lord knows his financial health is bad enough, he doesn’t need to smoke and kill the other half as well.

·         Private jet flights with Moby Dick Airways, the amount of puns we could pull from that about equal his debt

·         Nearly $1 million worth of credit with Tiffany jewelry, the man might as well have bought shares

·         A cruise in the Greek isles so he could take a lesson from the Greek government on debt and imagine what America might look like if he got elected


With these stats, there’s no point even bothering to pick at any other scabs.  Installing bubble gum machines in obesity clinics would come closer to solving the debt crisis than anything in Newt’s bag of dollar store magic tricks.


The take away: Don’t pay attention to what a candidate says.  Lord knows nothing they say has been true since the Lincoln days.  Pay attention only to what they do and who they are.  Case and point with Gingrich- Run.


Mitt Romney-


I’ll give him this.  His success as CEO of Salt Lake Organizing Committee in turning the 2002 Winter Olympic looming financial disaster into a money-maker definitely makes him more of a common sense choice than Newt.  Not to mention his association with the Bain Capital empire is an impressive portfolio, although the methodology that it employs of stream-lining non-profiting endeavors and cutting unproductive workers probably won’t come off as the most appealing business model to the generation and society of the excessive and the entitled.  Then again, Mitt didn’t flourish in business because he wasn’t to some degree in bed with a lot of bad apples on Wall Street.  Like father, like son, his boy got in trouble a few years ago for dealing with Ponzi schemers.  However, what really gets me is this: Mitt is a kiss-ass and in any respectable society kiss-asses usually get a boot where they love to put their lips. 

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