The Foreign Policy Skunk
by US politics have always been questionable at best, but our foreign policy has never been as much of a lightning rod as it is under the Bush Administration. In this satirical piece, we put a new spin on what’s fast becoming the newest “third rail” in politics.
Americans like to believe we are well informed but we typically reference one local and one national source; we’re in the “information ghetto” and everyone but us knows it. “Free press” my foot – it is all calculated leaks and prepared sources designed to tell us what they want us to know. My Dad used to say, “pack half as many clothes as you’ll need, take twice as much money with you, and believe less half of what you read.”
Lastly, did you know our foreign policy skunk is a film aficionado? Imagine you’ve paid money to sit down and watch a movie in your local theatre. Half way through the film, “old white stripe” swaggers in on all fours like John Wayne, changes the film while his handlers proudly declare, “we know you’ll enjoy OUR film more!” Would you put up with that behavior? Certainly not! You paid your money and are expecting full faith value for it (unless the movie stinks, then you’re out of luck). Our government is forgetting there are people in the Middle East countries who are paying taxes to watch their government “film”, and we’ve got the brass to bust in, change the reel to “Democracy: American style!” and expect you to sit there quietly and watch it?
What’s “old white stripe” doing? He’s tossing our bacon into the fire and hanging out the “Open Season” sign on our backsides while simultaneously taking the heat off of Arab governments. Please explain to me why I should let someone plant their foot so deep in my behind that it’ll make people ask if I’m using Kiwi shoe polish as a breath mint, all in the name of taking someone else’s beating? The wisdom in this approach completely eludes me.
So here are the lessons of the foreign policy skunk:
- Don’t tell our neighbors they’re not smelling what we’re really selling. Honesty is the best policy, and it’s not like you don’t know where we live if we cheat you. It’s a small world, especially when you’re being chased through it.
- You spray your neighbors and they’ll get the fat kid with the purple shirt after you, and you’ll be lucky if he only eggs your house and loads the trees up with toilet paper.
- Stay out of fights that aren’t yours – no matter how fun they may look! A good steak is for barbequing, not for black eyes.
- If you leave your neighbors alone, they will have no beef with you – they’ll start going after their own governments.
- Wake up from the “we don’t have extremists” dream and face reality.
- Don’t use a translator to tell someone else, “we know what’s good for you” when if it wasn’t for their English language skills, you’d be resorting to a game of charades to communicate. It only go to show that you know nothing.
- All too often, we sabotage ourselves with faulty logic, fear and rhetoric, rendering ourselves unable or incapable of seeing through these timeless “the sky is falling!” chicken little political smoke screens.
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