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55 Ways You Make People Dislike You

Some nasty habits yourself and others do all the time without realizing it.

Vibing the social slipper

Firstly you need to be aware of vibing even though you already vibe with people all the time.

What do you mean by vibe?

Remember the time when you had the most fun or interesting conversation with someone? Likely, they enjoyed it as well. If so – that’s vibing.

Vibe: A distinctive emotional aura that is experienced instinctively.

It’s the energy in an interaction. Vibing is the way we interact with each other. We vibe to get bond and form stronger relationships with each other. Vibing is a natural process.

When you go out for a drink, you don’t just go out to specifically have a drink and then go home. You have a drink, gossip, joke around, catch up on commonalities and maybe go someplace else after. Going out with a friends basically shows how much you value each others friendship.

Think about it, why do people jump out of planes? It’s not so they can get to the ground. If they wanted to get to the ground then they could just fly back down and get out. They jump out for the feelings they get, the adrenaline rush, the experience.

Anyways, what is this Social Slipper?

A social slipper is someone who makes slip ups socially and is unaware they are slipping up. He will try to create or keep rapport (mutual trust and understanding) in many different ways. The problem is people sense fake rapport as opposed to rapport that happens naturally. We can get away with a hell of a lot of “social mistakes” and be fine but the more screw ups you make, the more uncool/fake you will seem.

Mr. Slipper will try maintaining rapport by doing things like over explaining himself or asking completely obvious questions and laughing when somebody expects them to laugh.

Ever listened to someone talking and begin to notice a pattern in how they talk, where you can predict the exact sentence they will say next?

Here are some common phrases:

  • Basically
  • You know
  • At the end of the day
  • To be honest
  • Like

People have trademark words they use by habit, so it gets used to fill-the-silence in what they are saying while they gather information in their head. Also they tend to use it way too often and when people are aware of it, its very distracting. It would be more powerful to keep quiet, think and then respond.

I’m sure you already know this but how many times a day do you hear people filling in their mind blanks with gibberish. The “umms” and “errrs” are pretty common.

Social unintelligence and social screw ups we tend to make (this is the 55 ways):

  • Being completely logical in a social situation – We aren’t here to impress anyone with our intelligence
  • Being concerned about being right or wrong about something – this is ego
  • Take ages explaining something – The other person wants to get away or change topic
  • Laugh at their own jokes when nobody else does – This is because they are feeling the pressure of everyone else and because nobody is laughing they try to “keep the vibe going” by laughing and it makes them look stupid
  • Laugh at unfunny things – laughing for the release of social pressure
  • Ask obvious questions they know the answer to
  • Constantly look for things to be funny (listening to every word, looking for every mistake)
  • Use lots of “umms” and “errr”s…’ while talking
  • Nod too much – giving too much approval
  • Never nodding or showing any signs of acknowledgment
  • Say “yeah” or “right” too much when someone is explaining something
  • Saying please and thank you obsessively (Go to Subway and listen to the customer after the questions, it happens a lot)
  • Don’t say please or thank you at all
  • Remember excessive details about a person they just met and brings them up regularly – even days or weeks later
  • Following what others are always doing
  • Making excuses and rationalizations, defending yourself – who you are does not need to be defended
  • Qualifying yourself to others
  • Conforming to what everybody else is doing
  • Always trying to be different
  • Criticizing people often
  • Too much thinking – mental noise
  • Try and come up with a perfect witty comeback
  • Taking insults personally
  • Taking something ambiguous the wrong way
  • Speaking quietly, mumbling etc
  • Hardly ever making any eye contact
  • Making too much eye contact
  • Letting people disrespect you by not sticking up for your self – know your values and boundaries
  • Complaining
  • Whining about things – instead of dealing with them or accepting
  • Not deciding on something because others wont approve
  • Never admitting you are wrong
  • Admitting you are wrong just to keep the peace / apologizing when it’s not your fault
  • Supplicating to other people
  • Overcompensating by trying to be better
  • Not apologizing when you are wrong
  • Being happy for other peoples misfortunes / failures
  • Putting your self worth on the responses of others
  • Taking criticism and praise personally
  • Letting people physically mess around with you
  • Always agreeing
  • Never agreeing
  • Acting in a way where you’re a victim
  • Answering stupid questions logically
  • Answering all questions that people ask you
  • Doing people favors when they wouldn’t do the same for you
  • Making up drama, rumors
  • Comparing yourself with others, if you’re perceived as better or worse – I.e. “I have a car and you don’t so I am better than you”
  • Not doing anything because of what other people might think – “come dance”, “no, I’m ok” etc
  • Making sure everything you say is completely correct
  • Focusing on the negative
  • Not speaking up when something is not right
  • Not asking for help
  • Using lots of self deprecating humor
  • Button pushing – Doing things purely to get a reaction

Because much of this happens unconsciously its hard to stop.

How can you not do something if you don’t know you’re doing it?

Just choose a couple of things to focus on when interacting with people. First you realize when you do it and then you can work on changing it and brush up your communication skills.

I do some of this myself, I write this article from observing and experience. Thanks for reading, I hope it was useful for you.

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User Comments
  1. Chill

    On November 23, 2007 at 10:07 pm

    I LOVED it!
    Keep it real!

  2. Met

    On November 24, 2007 at 8:33 am

    This was a good article.

    The thing is with this article there is some contradicting things. For example, making lots of eye contact and hardly making any eye contact. I am just wondering where do we draw the line?

    Would be good if you could answer that.

  3. Kris

    On November 25, 2007 at 11:35 am

    Well theres times when someone might put social pressure on you in some situation and you reward them by giving them eye contact. On the other hand if someone made a stupid predictable joke you could just calmly look at them with no expression, it can stifle them because they wonder why you arent laughing.

    There ARE many contradictions and I mean loads its unreal. We are all unique, like everyone else. A person says they are not confident. Yet they are very confident that they are unconfident.

    Theres no 1 rule to use in any situation. Just use common sense and good judgement. Sometimes thats hard but experiment with it. Everyone is different.

    Thanks for the comments.

  4. Katie

    On March 1, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    That was a whole load of nothing.

  5. Den

    On May 4, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    I think all the points you made were great. what should you do if you feel the atmosphere is fizzing out when you start talking and then others look at you blankly and uninterested and all you want to do is run for the door?

  6. Rose-Marie

    On May 16, 2009 at 3:48 am

    When you ask someone a question , instead of stopping and giving you the time of day.
    they answer as they are walking away from you, I find this very rude.
    I’m working on my habit of mumbling because it drives me crazy when other people mumble.
    It’s impossible to do all of this list so just focus on your habits which you see in other people that drive you crazy personally.
    Totally agree with Kris comments, great writing!

  7. pixie

    On May 27, 2009 at 10:19 am

    I have to say you have really given this some thought and i do agree with quite a few of them. It can be really irritating when people just nod too much when you talk to them you end up staring at them and wondering whether their head will fall off with all the movement.

    This a well thought out article but i’m just curious though what are your thoughts on what would help give people confidencein the first place in these sort of social interactions which give rise to social faux pas?

  8. paul

    On March 20, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    Why is everything so complicated? I have this problem where I converse to someone about a certain subject, whilst knowing that subject I’m talking about is important or should I say I ‘think’ it’s important but then getting the response that I’m just moaning…then I ‘think’ why bother…that’s apathy. Apathy is depressing, too many issues to be sorted but don’t, why is this?

    people should converse more but the difficulty is in the amounts of issues to talk about, they’ll never be covered and of course you can keep some people happy some of the time but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.

    …time for a Horlicks……

  9. humberto

    On February 22, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    Although many things may be correct, they are right according to YOUR point of view. This is all according to what YOU think.And , with all due respect, you are no the owner of the truth. You should just amend saying it´s YOUR opinion.

  10. ClintJCL

    On May 13, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Answering all questions asked of you is on this list? So you’re saying I should ignore questions people ask, and this will make me more liked? That seems weird.

  11. bush_pilot

    On July 25, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    It seems to me that you could boil your whole list down to two pieces of advice:

    1. Don’t be excessive
    2. Don’t be insufficent

    As with most things, the balance is key.

  12. Payal

    On May 11, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Nicely written and very straight forward.
    Thank you for sharing the most useful information that almost everyone needs.

  13. Sean

    On June 13, 2012 at 5:05 am

    This could apply to everyone on any given day.. It is a bit broad and generalized.. Maybe this is why people dislike me, but this was freakin dumb..

    Lets take this one thing

    “Making sure everything you say is completely correct”

    How does this make some person you met on the street dislike you? What if you tell a relevant story to a conversation and you get a part of it wrong, Are you are saying it will make someone not like you because you tried to be part of the conversation and made a mistake..

    Sorry, but this is why I dislike people…

  14. Sean

    On June 13, 2012 at 5:20 am

    This could apply to everyone on any given day.. It is a bit broad and generalized.. Maybe this is why people dislike me, but this was freakin dumb..

    Lets take this one thing

    “Making sure everything you say is completely correct”

    How does this make some person you met on the street dislike you? What if you tell a relevant story to a conversation and you get a part of it wrong, Are you are saying it will make someone not like you because you tried to be part of the conversation and made a mistake..

    Sorry, but this is why I dislike people…

  15. Love me for nothing

    On November 20, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    It’s so easy to make someone fall out of love with you or dislike you. All you have to do is disappoint them in some way, for instance, by saying something. Love and liking are a lot more unstable and sensitive as you would think.

    It’s very easy to figure out what people like you for. If they fell in love with you because you said something that struck them, then this love is obviously conditional and is based on what is said,if it looks based then by changing your looks in an unfavorable way, your partner should lose interest. Apperantly with unconditional love and liking, any kind of change or alteration in you, should not impact how your partner feels about you, and that’s very rare.

    If you know what people love or like you for, you can constantly feed their love by giving them what they want.

  16. dave

    On January 28, 2013 at 10:56 am

    Total bull*hit

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