Active and Deep Listening and Emotional Intelligence

Career centers and career development professionals spend a lot of time and energy preparing job-candidates to present themselves professionally and to communicate in the most clear and effective manner. These are important skills, no doubt about it. The ability to quickly structure an answer, present a point or prove a statement in a conversation, will in most cases demonstrate your ability to think well on your feet. This ability is a good predictor of the kind of contributor you will be when they hire you. Having an appropriate level of confidence and assertiveness is also helpful and important. There is one side to your communication, though that is often neglected and assumed as either not that important, or as a given – your listening skills. Before you can learn to talk well, you need to learn to listen even better, because this is how you will get to know your audience and this is how you will be able to assess their expectations.

There is almost no structured preparation to emphasize the importance of listening and to provide the appropriate skills. You listen to obtain information, to understand, you listen for enjoyment, and to learn. What nobody talks or thinks about is when you use active and deep listening to persuade. When someone starts talking his words can be your starting counter-argument, or your first point of agreement. More often than not – their words will also give you the opportunity to change their mind without argument – subliminally. At this point in your quest to influence their minds and hearts, you have this additional power tool to help you create the right emotion that would later translate into favorable actions for your job prospects with the company. As Dave Lakhani points in his book Subliminal Persuasion: “To create an emotional reaction to your message, you must create a powerful appeal that encourages people to feel the correct emotion. Overt appeals are rarely as effective as subliminal appeals.”

As I am advocating this approach, let me take a time-out to warn you against tripping over technicalities. Let yourself finish listening before you begin to speak! You can’t really listen if you are too busy thinking about what you want to say next. Also – as your mind is busy trying to penetrate the totality of the manager’s message – keep maintaining eye contact, keep nodding as a confirmation that you have heard and understood. Do not hesitate to ask for clarification and avoid interrupting, no matter how strong your desire to speak up is. There may have been a break, or a moment silence, but make sure the other person is really done making their point before starting with your response. These are the technicalities, the basics and there are many resources available online, that give you good advice how to prepare and demonstrate good listening. Your focus should be on how to actually listen well.