Children Who Need Help – Two -

In the first part of this series, at:   http://socyberty.com/issues/children-who-need-help-one/ I described a three year old boy who had an intense resentment for his six month old sister.  I also mentioned the fact that the parents did not seem to sufficently concerned about his behaviour.

When a child  hurts (or tries to hurt) another child everything should come to a dead halt.  This is not ‘normal’ behaivior this is not just ’sibling rivalry’.  This is a true pathology in which the smaller child will be physically harmed if the elder has the opportunity.

There are no limits in the infantile mind. Where an adult might think of consequences, the child doesn’t. There may be chance for sorry. 

I am not writing about a child who accidentally hurts a sibling, but a child who intends to get rid of the rival of his parents affection. 

Many children betray this by violent play.  Throwing a ball at a window or at someone or something, in an attempt to break it. Pushing over something in a clumsy portrayal of accident.

C.R. (a 40 month old) kept tossing a ball near where the 20 month old was sitting. Watching his face it was clear he was trying to hit her but his coordination wasn’t good enough.  The ball was taken away from him, he flung himself to the ground in a tantrum, was slapped and sent inside.  He kept up a horrific bawling noise. 

It was not the ball being taken from him or even the slap, it was the fact he was thwarted in his attempt to hurt the other child.

The earlier this behavior is addressed gives the better chance for it to be corrected. The longer one waits, the more likely the child will develop more sophisticated methods and be able to cry, “It was an accident”.