Control Issues?

My friends just described me as arrogant, boisterous, passionate, and hyperactively determined. Why would they think that? I don’t feel disrespected by their egregious point of view, but only because it reinforced a theory I have been particularly fond of since being introduced to it during our class lectures. Alfred Adler’s theory of Individual Psychology, as well as Alfred Bandura’s theory of Self Efficacy, helped me understand the person that I currently am today.

I was born into a diverse family. My parents are both of Pakistani descent, yet my father grew up in London. I would describe my father as very reserved and overly protective. From the start I felt like I was weaker than the rest because I wasn’t allowed to participate in normal nursery school outdoor activities. In fact, I wasn’t permitted to even cross the street by myself until I was nine years old. It didn’t matter if the streets were entirely empty. I had to have permission; otherwise, I would be punished. This led me to be reserved myself while attending elementary school. I hated to be called on by the teacher, I never joined in on group assignments, and obviously, I was made fun of because I was so “weird.” That was the start of my feelings of inferiority. But I wanted to be better than the rest. It’s like some weird obsession. Most of the time I’m not even close to being the best at what I do, but the way I look at it, I know I’m best. My obsession goes further than that. I always judge myself by the position I subjectively perceive myself to be in a few years from now.

The concept of fictional finalism ties in here. I constantly feel like someone has it out for me, whether it is because I’m brown skinned, or short, or that I’m a Muslim, or male, etc. However, I finally understood what this really meant when I evaluated my religious faith. I have this goal to make it to Heaven. I think rapper 50 Cent said it best in one of his songs titled “Many Men.” The one line, repeated many times, says, “I gotta make it to Heaven, I’m going through Hell.” Sounds just like me. There’s one slight problem. I have absolutely no way proving that either Heaven or Hell exists. But my belief of these so called realms guides me in decisions I make in my daily life. Adler would refer to this as fictional because religion is not provable. My future is teleological oriented, but it lies in fiction. Even though I have now analyzed that, there is no way I’m going to eat a piece of bacon, or drink a beer. Why? Both are strictly forbidden in the Islamic faith.