Divorce, Life Stressors and the Aftermath
The precursors and stressors to divorce.
According to researchers, divorce has been found to be a stressor which affects children and adults. Research supports this theory after obtaining a larger sample that best represents the overall population of the study. It is considered a stressor because most children and adults usually adjust in approximately two years.
Debra and John are a classic example of post divorce stress. Debra would like to move on with her life but feels that John over steps his boundaries and keeps returning into her life. He routinely invites himself in and helps himself to whatever is in the cabinets after dropping off the children.
During the counseling session, John’s new mate is in attendance. She wants to make sure that the session is not able re-opening the marital relationship. John and Debra are advised to keep the parental relationship in place, but set up mutual boundaries.
According to the Social Exchange Theory, stress on pre/post divorce is directly related to shared leisure time and perceptions of the positives and negatives. The contribution of children equates to the amount of leisure time previous marriages and remarriages also.
The Family Stress Theory of Recoup ling is based on the double ABC-X model and the contextual family stress model. A+aA (Hardships and pileups) include but are not limited to implementing two different cultures, adding family members to the equation, boundary and role uncertainties. The b+bB (resources) include the individual’s health and mental state, willingness and availability of resources to change. The step families’ resource requires expectations that are realistic along with open communication. In the c+cC (perception), divorced couples view remarriage as a way to correct past mistakes. Some individuals fear that the step children or step parent may unbalance the new family structure. Researchers have concluded that bon-adaptation is the step families’ successful adjustment to new family member roles and expectations while keeping open boundaries for visitation of the non-residential parent and family members. Stress levels are lowering than families who have not reached bon-adaptation. It is also noted that bon-adaptation and mal-adaptation can occur simultaneously. Single mothers who remarry typically have less supervision over the children (mal-adaptation) but parent-child relationships improve along with more appropriate discipline which is a return to bon-adaptation.
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User Comments
Lauren Axelrod
On November 9, 2008 at 12:32 pm
My parents got divorced when I was very young so I know the types of outcomes this produces. Good read Chris
Virginia Wolfe
On November 13, 2008 at 2:31 pm
i truly hope most people adjust to a divorce in two years. took me more than that i would say. i am coming up on the five year mark and even though i have moved on with my life there is not one day that passes that i dont think about what went wrong. i thank god i didn’t have children with the man. that would have made it soooo much harder.
Chris Stonecipher
On November 13, 2008 at 5:23 pm
My comment did not show up.
Thanks Lauren and Virginia. I am sorry that both of you had to experience the affects of divorce. Blessings to both of you!
Chris
goodselfme
On November 21, 2008 at 7:38 pm
I was a child of 8 when my parents got divorced. That was better for both ,because it was abusive, but left scars for my sister and I . I think divorce affects everyone who comes into the lives with a person who has experienced divorce. Thank you for this post.
Chris Stonecipher
On November 22, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Goodselfme,
it is hard to put in words for what to say to a person who has gone thru this. God Bless you,
Chris
Karen Gross
On February 1, 2009 at 3:25 am
Just by watching my friends’ marriages, and by seeing firsthand the devastation caused by divorce, not only to the couple and their children, but also to the church family; I am convinced that divorce is a greater stressor than widowhood. When a spouse dies, there is grief with closure, and the church rallies around the surviving spouse. In a divorce, especially where children are involved, there is never closure. Rarely do both spouses continue to attend our church, but there is awkwardness, loyalty issues, and as great as our church family is, there will always be at least a perceived judgement that the couple could have worked it out if they had tried harder. In our church, there have been situations where a spouse going through divorce is asked to step down from visible ministries – which can be an even harsher blow. There is a reason why God hates divorce – it has far reaching effects for the family, the extended family, and the church community.
BC Doan
On February 1, 2009 at 4:30 am
Interesting read, and I’m still living in the case of “Debra and John”, where the other person feels like he’s still a part of my life, even after 8 years! When a child is involved, the relationship never ends…
RJ Chamberlain
On February 4, 2009 at 1:05 am
Interesting read Chris. Haven’t experienced divorce myself but have seen what it can do to people, children especially.
RJ
papaleng
On February 4, 2009 at 3:27 am
Though divorce is not allowed in our country instead annulment takes it places, nevertheless the result is still the same, marriage separation is indeed traumatic to each member of the family, and the pain it caused did took time to heal.. a very interesting article.
Glynis Smy
On February 4, 2009 at 6:20 am
There are some who need to divorce for the sake of the children and those who should ‘try harder’ at the marriage. Interesting article. I am blessed with a happy marriage but it takes work. If divorce occurs and children are involved then there should be an attempt at keeping a happy front in front of the little ones.
Hein Marais
On February 4, 2009 at 3:53 pm
This subject can be debated for years.
CHAN LEE PENG
On October 23, 2009 at 11:16 am
It’s hard for those who went through this process. Anyway, good read here, thanks.
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