Evil Incarnate: Sociopaths

by JohnKing in Psychology, September 1, 2007

Do you know the warning signs?

“Lizzie Borden took an Axe, Gave her mother forty whacks, when she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one.”

In the movie psycho, Norman Bates killed his over-bearing mother.
The terms for such a murder is called matricide.
While Statistics suggest it is a rare occurrence,
there are famous cases, such as the Lizzie Borden case.

Another occurrence known as infanticide is when someone kills their baby.
So that begs the question, why would someone commit such heinous crimes?
I believe only someone fitting the profile of a sociopath could be so cold-blooded.

Classic signs of a sociopath are:

They have a lack of empathy for others
They are incapable of love or natural human compassion
They make a common practice of manipulative behavior
Often they are merciless and cold
They are always trying to justify behavior they know is wrong

User Comments

Mikhail Mosin

On October 8, 2007 at 1:18 pm

I myself am a sociopath, having been diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder, and I must say this author has no clue what he’s talking about. Some of the “sociopaths” he mentioned can only be speculated to have been as such, and the “Son of Sam” was, in fact, psychotic. That is, he had hallucinations that, in his case, drove him to kill. In addition, this hypothesis that only a sociopath could do something as “cold-hearted” as murdering a family member is ridiculous. A sociopath is, in fact, less likely to lash out at an overbearing mother, fatally or not, because sociopaths are innately capable of blocking out emotion. Only five percent of all diagnosed sociopaths in the United States are violent offenders. Less than one percent have been convicted of murder. Can you say the same about the “normal” part of the population?
Jupiter

On October 8, 2007 at 1:29 pm

A Sociopath is not simply someone with Anti-social behaviors so my dear reader despite what you may have been told being a sociopath and Antisocial are different, sociopaths are antisocial with psychotic tendancies. You may have been diagnosed as having anti-social personality, but that in itself does not make you a sociopath I do know what I am talking about, and it is quite degrading to call yourself a sociopath it only shows your misunderstanding of the two words.
John

On October 9, 2007 at 8:15 am

The term sociopath and it’s meanings have been stretched over the years to rely solely on objective criteria as the above website states.
In doing so there are now too many so called sociopaths being diagnosed simply due to antisocial behaviors (as may have been Mikhail’s case)

where-as the term sociopath and psychopath were at one time used interchangeably due to the fact that a sociopath IS generally characterized as more than antisocial, but rather antisocial with psychotic rage

So the author is not completely ignorant, and Mikhail is not a sociopath (unless of course you do have the psychotic rages they are characterized by) Don’t let the fact that psychiatry has stretched the meaning of the term fool you,

In changing the range and spectrum of the term they are falsely diagnosing simple anti-social behaviors as being a sociopath when in fact they are different though they can be related.
John

On March 25, 2008 at 7:44 am

Dear Freedom, everyone has a conscience for a reason, sociopaths “not having a concept of right and wrong” is a false statement, sociopaths do try to justify wrong behavior, they know the difference between right and wrong, but they don’t care, it’s really that simple, they are self absorbed to such a point they don’t care about the feelings of others, rewarding them with flattery and ego boosts does nothing but send them on a power trip and actually does more harm.
Mike

On April 7, 2008 at 2:40 am

John is correct saying sociopath’s know the difference between right and wrong. Though really saying a sociopath is going to chop you up for no reason is idiotic. I’m pretty positive I myself am a sociopath.

Though I have to disagree that it’s because sociopaths are “so self absorbed”. At one time I used to be completely selfless, and now I am almost the opposite but not quite. While I think highly of myself yes, I do not agree it’s why I don’t care about the feelings of others. Part of it is I’m aware that most people are evil themselves an merely try to lie to themselves and those around them.

I simply think I’m more honest about myself in this area than most people. While not all people are like the formerly described person. I don’t meet many generally good people walking around.

And as for being self absorbed, I’ll admit I think very highly of myself. Though it’s hard not to in my position, while I act humble. I’ve been tested and told I have the IQ of a genius, I’m good at everything I try, and I’m liked by most everyone. Not everyone does of course, though while I could probably be liked by everyone(or close to it) if I chose to. I actively make enemies when I feel like it.

Anyway as for ego boosts, yes they’re nice and all but seeing as I don’t really care what most other people think anyway. Their compliments are almost as empty as their insults. These things aren’t true for all people in my life though. My best friend for example, one of the few people I would be closer to a normal person around.
To Mike

On April 7, 2008 at 8:03 am

You don’t sound like a sociopath to me, if you were you wouldn’t care about others at all, you’d be too wrapped up in your own world,the fact that you admit you can be self absorbed at times also shows are not a sociopath by the psychiatric definition a sociopath would, because of the very nature of their ego never admit that they were self-absorbed, and as I said you do appear to have affection for at least one person in your life,that tells me you are not a sociopath, a sociopath is defined partially by their incapability to care or Love others, you seem untrusting of most people, but not really uncaring so much as more careful of who you care about.

I don’t think it was the authors intent to say all sociopaths are “going to chop you up in pieces” so much as the fact that sociopaths by definition lack even the basest compassion for others and are completely egocentric to the point that they go to extreme lengths(often to the point of hurting others deliberately) to further their own agendas and boost their own ego
Tara

On April 29, 2008 at 8:42 pm

Sociopaths thrive on the misery they can cause to another human being.

They are not devoid of feelings. Its pleasure to them. Thats the difference.

They are methodical,deliberate and and effective in harming others.
laila jane

On April 30, 2008 at 12:10 am

Tara, sociopaths are devoid of natural affection
Coo' Daddy

On May 17, 2008 at 12:58 am

Hello everyone. No, I’m not a sociopath, just normal I guess. hehe. But I’m wondering if anyone would categorize Bush as a sociopath?
some dude

On May 23, 2008 at 7:14 pm

Here’s a revelation for you…..anyone you follow, work for, or obey is a sociopath. It’s really that simple. The cold, hard, hopeless fact is that it’s not a disease or mental deficite. Intelligent people take profits from unintelligent people. This is the way of human rule, and it’s not likely to change anytime soon.

Perhaps the social workers needed a name to more easily blame the successful people for taking advantage of them?

Or maybe it’s true that these “mentally disabled” persons just happen to run everything…and own everything….due to a spectacular run of luck.

I am a sociopath….but I have only discovered this recently. Until lately, I lived my whole life trying to figure out why I don’t see things the way others do. I tryed to understand why everyone was so happy while I saw social interaction as a “job”.

Now I understand what’s going on. It’s very liberating to finally have a name to paste to the problem. Knowing what I “am” has helped my to hone my craft, and exercise better judgement when dealing with others.

I no longer lash out, or have temper tantrums, or get into physical altercations. I spend a lot of time conciously controlling and manipulating those around me, and it is proving to be very profitable.

I don’t know what to tell you normal people….to behave in any other way seems purely insane to me.
spacey

On May 23, 2008 at 8:05 pm

to some dude, I hate to break it to you, but your assessment that “anyone you follow, work for, or obey is a sociopath. It’s really that simple. The cold, hard, hopeless fact is that it’s not a disease or mental deficite. Intelligent people take profits from unintelligent people. This is the way of human rule, and it’s not likely to change anytime soon.” has one major defect. The MAJORITY of human kind practices normal human decency and has compassion for others, including those that they are put into a position of leadership over.

based on your thought process however, specifically that you like manipulating others and taking advantage of others and as you say you used to lash out and throw “temper tantrums” and use others merely for profit tells me you may well be a sociopath.
Though I cannot know your heart so I don’t really know
guest

On June 5, 2008 at 1:16 am

Truthfully, i would find it hard to believe that people have been born of the sociopath nature. I believe it is something that has to be nutured by their environment… or how they were raised as a child from the time they were in their mother’s womb.. I believe the more traumatic their childhood was, the more likely they may choose if not given the help needed to develop these tendencies.I do believe over time people can become cold, and hard hearted towards those around them, but i to say that sociopaths do not know the difference between right and wrong is propousperous, because as mentioned earlier before, they try to justify the deeds that have been done… I also beleive anyone can develope such a nature if they choose to make harmful choices, and the more of these choices made, the more desensitized they become to their actions and those done around them… and also.. believe it or not.. unforgiveness has been known to cause mental illness and a cold heart towards others…
Cheryl

On June 30, 2008 at 6:08 pm

I have finally succeeded in exposing my ex-husband as the sociopath that he is. After 15 months of marriage ending in divorce, he was suppoened to court tomorrow and will have to answer to a judge. This whack job will finally pay for what he has done to me (including false incarceration, public embarrassment, loss of income, etc.) Six months into marriage we were in counseling, due to his promiscuity after 2 months of marriage. I gave it a shot, until the counselor, on one of my \”alone\” visits, opened a book and showed me all of the characteristics of a Sociopath. He fit almost every characteristic! I was then told by the Psychologist that he was \”setting me up\”. I started recording his outbursts, to protect my self with local police. He called the police 52 times the 1st 12 months of our marriage; scratching his face saying I did it, etc. Finally, with my ammunition, he is being investigated by the IRS (not filing a return since 1976). So far, he is into them for $300,000,(so far). He is being investigated by the Securities and Exchange Commission (selling securities without a license). He lost his job of 10 years because of this. Lastly, the home he lives in was bought by his parents (his enablers) and they fraudulently filed homestead tax, so now the local tax office is going back and doubling their taxes for the last 3 years (I think they should have gone back 7 years). This is sweet revenge! Sociopaths really have no place in society and are big fat zero\’s in my book. He should have taken my advise and just written me a check. I would have been much cheaper than what he is spending on attorneys and legal fees. He\’s 50 and it\’s about time he take responsibility for his actions. I\’m still out alot of money, but his exposure is worth more than I lost!
Robert

On July 24, 2008 at 5:01 am

It is important to note that a dominant personality in and of itself does not mean someone is a sociopath, people by nature can be dominant at times

(instinctively, due to a need to protect for example a father might set a rule in place for a child, this is human nature)

sociopaths however take dominance to an EXTREME, abusive, and unhealthy level. So what the author should have made clear is that sociopaths have a tendancy to over-dominate without regard to the other person or people’s feelings.

If you are naturally dominant, do not jump to the conclusion that you must be a sociopath, if however you are ABUSIVELY dominant rather than PROTECTIVELY, I will not judge and say you ARE a sociopath, simply that you need to evaluate yourself in regards to the possibility
Tonya H.

On July 24, 2008 at 5:14 am

I agree with Robert,protective dominance is not a bad thing at all, in fact it is healthy.
an example of a sociopath like that to which Robert referred, would be a wife beater, Abusive dominance goes BEYOND what is natural protective instinct and often becomes coldly possessive,If you are abusive in any way to those around you, get help before it escalates….
Deb

On July 29, 2008 at 11:19 am

I have a son, whom after reading a few books on sociopathy I am convinced is a sociopath. He has almost all the behaviors discribed. He was diagnosed as ADHD as a child so I thought his behavior was probably his ADHD diagnosis. I tried many times to talk to him about the malicious lies and conning he was doing. He always denied everything, even when caught in lies. I begin to doubt myself but nevertheless his behavior kept haunting me. He entered the Military at 18 y.o.(he is now 20) he refuses to talk to anyone in the family other than his brother(my oldest son). He comes back on leave and he only hangs out with his girlfriend(they are now engaged), he seen his family 2 times during his whole leave and that was both at family gatherings not individually. His grandfather(with whom he appeared to be close to when younger) was hospitalized while he was on leave for a cardiac condition and he didn’t even go to the hospital to see him. He doesn’t call his grandparents or I. We haven’t heard from him in several months.We call and he refuses to answer. He refuses to give us an address to write him or send him anything. We sent him boxes of things previously and when he seen us in March he didn’t even say thanks. The town put on a “welcome home” event and he never thanked his grandparents or I or the town for the event. I paid his plane tickets(both ways) each time he has come home. His grandparents and I went to his graduation in CA, which is across the U.S. for us and we flew him home. I want to know if there is anything that we can do to help him realize that this situation is very painful to his whole family, his uncles, aunts, grandparents have told him that we are very pained at the way he is treating us and what makes it worse is the fact that his girlfriend is going along with him. If we call her and try to talk with her she will say I will have to let you know about that I will have to talk to him first. He has made numerous comments to my oldest son that he will call us or that his upcoming marriage isn’t about love but that you just find the best you can and go from there. Did I mention her family does have money and has promised to help them out when he gets out of the military. Please if anyone knows of support groups or anything that I can do to help my family and I ease our pain of him shunning us then please I am open to any advice. Thanks.
Deb
John

On July 29, 2008 at 12:03 pm

To Deb, my best advice is counseling(for him especially) but if that does not help you may have to cut ties with him(at least for a while, and see if that’s a wake-up call) but that’s a drastic step. Seek advice and counseling both in your Local area and online, books etc. I sincerely wish you the best in seeking help.

God Bless
John aka Jupiter King

On August 5, 2008 at 12:34 am

to the person who left the last comment, I will have you know that anyone you ask that knows my stepdad will tell you that both he and his dad fit the profile and they are often vicious,brutal,and dominating, so please my friend do not take it upon yourself to insult my credibility, I have talked to psychologists and done extensive research, your comment has been removed for the reason that it is not productive and merely serves to be insulting and degrading, so….with that said I apologize if you yourself did not find the article to your liking, but I wrote it to inform so that people who are associated with such people can be aware.

Thank you and take care
Clueless

On August 6, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Recently at the beginning of this summer my boyfriend and I moved into his grandmas apt until we found a place of our own. I’m a freshman in college and taking psychology and have been learning about sociopaths. I started to get my mind thinking about my boyfriend and his ways we’ve been together for 3 years and he was so very sweet the first couple of months then things started changing I’ve caught him in lies with phone numbers as evidence of cheatin and a girl who’s number i called said they had been together when he was out of town. Now I know that is cheating but he also says he loves me but he is irritable mostly everytime he comes home from work and he shrugs me away when i come close but only comes to me when he’s ready. If i do something that he doesn’t like he grabs me and leaves marks. I know people that have important jobs and he’s always asking me to try to get them to help him out and do something for him. He used to steal but i have no clue if he’s done it recently or still does it. I feel in my gut that there’s is something wrong with him but does this mean he is a sociopath? What other ways can i know for sure?

Thank you and god bless
John

On August 6, 2008 at 5:10 pm

To clueless, there are a number of possibilities, likely though he could very well be, there is no real way to know for sure unless you can read minds, I’d say however go with your instincts,it is said that a woman has an intuition, and apparently yours is telling you something, whether he is a sociopath or not, if he is being abusive or cheating on you, I’d say you should part company, a true sociopath’s behavior will only worsen with time, the longer you put up with his ways, the longer he will continue them because he will think they are “okay”

However, I would suggest, Pray about it instead of jumping to a conclusion,and whatever your heart is told, Go with it.
That is my best advice, if you want to help your boyfriend to break his negative behavior and you want the relationship to work, Prayer and counseling may help him see the errors of his ways.

If you feel threatened by your boyfriend’s behavior, my most drastic suggestion is to leave him for your own safety and peace of mind, hope that helped
concerned in Texas,just a friend....

On August 9, 2008 at 11:13 am

to Kiernan Mooney,Tell your friend that BECAUSE you are his friend, that you are concerned about him being in contact with the girl when it’s so obviously unhealthy, just from reading your comment I think he should have dropped her a long time ago. That may sound harsh but I’m just being honest. Your friend deserves so much better.
el

On August 16, 2008 at 5:28 am

Hi
i have question. Probably i was a victim of sociopath. What i know exactly that it was emotional hell ( manipulations, emotional blackmail, game “poor me”, absolut cruelty and so on).
Now i came to conclusion that it was personality disorder. However I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. for me all disorders from cluster B have the similar traits which are synerged in the description of sociopaths. Another disorder what is mystery for me- passive-agressive one. The differences are so litlle and ambivalent. For exmaple the suicide attempts in BDP for me is the act of sociopathic manipulations. Manifistation of passive-agressive disorder is very abusive for victim too BUT psychologists say it may be treated!!!
Who can define the real and objective differences?
Rob

On August 16, 2008 at 7:46 am

“For exmaple the suicide attempts in BDP for me is the act of sociopathic manipulations. Manifistation of passive-agressive disorder is very abusive for victim too BUT psychologists say it may be treated!!!
Who can define the real and objective differences?”

First off, how are suicide attempts a sociopathic act? there are thousands of suicides yearly, are you attempting to tell me that they are all sociopaths or am I missing something? because that seems to be what you’re insinuating and that seems very insensitive on your part…..forgive me if there was a misunderstanding……
P.S. from Rob

On August 16, 2008 at 7:50 am

as for your ? of “Who can define the real and objective differences?”

I’d say talk to a psychologist
in need of help

On September 5, 2008 at 1:16 pm

If anyone can help, please do. I feel like I have been and still am the possibly a victim of a sociopath, maybe he has something else going on…I just know his thought process is not right. For the past year and a half I feel that I’ve been tortured, mentally and physically, feeling that I was never TRUELY able to get away. I couldn’t even begin to name everything that went on, but it has ranged from blackmail to torture. I don’t mean the cutting off limbs kind of torture though. An example would be, during my pregnany I had a lot of problems and had to have several sergeries, after I would leave the hospital, when we would get home he would hide my pain medication if I didn’t do what he wanted me to. I would cry and beg…he would have no mercy, until I gave into his requests. During and after my pregnany he had to have complete control of everything to do with the baby…my diet, how long I nursed, and how often I nursed. If I did not comply he would physically hurt me until I did what he wanted. Now this man is trying to get custody of our baby daughter and I feel helpless in the matter. He has lied about me in court, he has found other people to lie for him. Basicly he has accused me of doing things that he has done to me. I feel like he acts this way because maybe he can’t help it, but I can’t let a man like this have control of my baby daughter’s life. How do you get passed someone like this? How do you beat someone who has half ruined your life and just keeps going? I have vertually no proof of anything he has done to me, because he was never stupid enough to do it in front of people. Everytime I have called the police for things he has done to me, his claim is that he did it in self defense because he says I attacked him…of course he’s lieing, but there’s nothing I can do. Does ANYONE have any ideas or suggestions on this matter?
Erik

On September 5, 2008 at 3:41 pm

in need of help,
buy a cheap recorder and get him on the phone to admit his behavior and motives, this is admissable evidence in court. show no mercy! he will permanently scar your precious baby!
in need of help

On September 6, 2008 at 8:08 am

Erik,
he will admit nothing, i have tried. he is super paranoid about being recorded. at this point in time my attorney had advised me to have absolutely no contact with him. it is hard, he is calling everyone i know and telling them that i’m a liar and making false acusations. he is driving me absolutely insane. the only thin i have on recording is him telling me that i will “pay” and that it will “cost” me dearly if i fight him in court. do you think that will help my case at all?
John

On September 6, 2008 at 8:43 am

To in need of help, anything you’ve caught on recording that the court percieves as a threat will help your case(provided it is admissable and not obtained by illegal means) How much what you’ve caught on recording helps your case often depends on how obvious or not that the percieved threat is.

Example, if someone says they’re going to harm you, that’s an obvious threat and grounds for the court to intervene without much trouble, however if someone says “You’ll be sorry” that’s a little more vague and the courts might not intervene until something more happens.

It is best to report any incidents, no matter how “minor” they may seem…better safe than sorry after all
Kim Buck

On September 14, 2008 at 12:38 pm

Um..you guys have overwhelmed with the comments but did enjoy the article.

Thanks for sharing.
Don't Worry About it.

On September 18, 2008 at 12:28 am

I am a sociopath. I do not have any concern about others feelings. I find feeling of sadness and fear more appealing than love and hapiness. I make no effort in conforming to \”normal\” society. \”Normal\” society, is only what the majority of the masses belive from direct observation of others. I feel no remorse or pity for others suffering and no guilt for any I\’ve caused. I love the way I am and don\’t wish to change. I function perfectly \”normal\” in society and would not consider breaking the law. Though I may lack caring and compassion for others, I see it as a strenght.
Rob

On September 18, 2008 at 3:29 am

that’s warped
Concerned Friend

On September 18, 2008 at 11:38 pm

Hello Don’t Worry About It

… I think, in general, we all want to be sociopaths because we want to disconnect ourselves from everyone else, and just live for ourselves. So, in terms of being autonomous, I suppose it is a strength because it provides you with the courage to do things on your own, even though there maybe some hurt feelings along the way. I may be sick for thinking it, but it truly is a strength.

Still, coming from a person who does hold empathy, I also feel sorry for you. You can’t feel sorry for yourself, because you don’t care, but I feel sorry for you because there are so many feelings that run through us that are enormously human to the core. I suppose it depends on what you consider to be ‘human’ and pathology is most definitely human (1 in 100 men are born with it, along with 1 in 300 women) … but like I said, it’s sad thinking that these particular individuals will never know love or friendship. They only know satisfaction. I believe that because of the majority’s social acceptance, we too have a very endearing strength.
Dont Worry About it.

On October 2, 2008 at 4:39 am

Hello Concerned Friend,

You pretty much hit the nail on the head with that one. I can’t feel sorry for myself because I physically can’t feel sorry. Or choose not to, which ever would apply. I guess most sociopaths who commit crimes take advantage of this emotionlessness to comit crimes and con [people. I however do not abuse this so called strenght. I also don’t know if it is just me or all sociopaths have the ability to idenify the correct feeling and or emotions for the correct situation even though they don’t feel them. It’s ironic that I know I should be happy for example if I get a promotion, and then can’t even feel dpressed for not feeling happy. It is sort of a numb feeling at all times. I enjoy it but also see how others can find that to be an illness. Just think, never ever being stressed, but on the otherside of this double edged sword is the inablility to ever feel good. By the way. My name is Alex Kelly, coiencidently the exact full name of a sociopath rapist covicted some years ago. Kind of funny don’t y ou think?
C.J.

On October 2, 2008 at 8:23 am

Concerned friend you said

“I think, in general, we all want to be sociopaths because we want to disconnect ourselves from everyone else, and just live for ourselves.”

that is rubbish,the majority of human kind want to connect with others,create relationships,Love,be happy, and so forth so for you to lump everyone together and say we “all” want to be sociopaths and live for ourselves just shows how disconnected and diluted YOU really are, and while you snd Alex Kelly might see it as a strength it is actually really sad.

No offense intended but if that is really what you think you really must have a miserable life.
Alex

On October 16, 2008 at 10:57 pm

To C.J,

Disconnected, yes. Diluted, no. I’ve always said, people who presume misery and sadness is all our life consists of are the ones who base this observation off “conformed” and “civilized” modern society. It is true that a normal human is suspose to feel and socialize with others but we don’t, and are not miserable or sad. At least I’am not. I am fully aware of what I am “missing” out on and don’t care. The sooner people realize it really doesn’t affect us, the easier it will be to understand.
Myst

On October 16, 2008 at 11:30 pm

Alex, you can say you don’t care, but if you have any feeling whatsoever I’m sure it affects you on some level, it’s only natural, as for C.J. using the word diluted, I agree to some extent that Concerned Friend is diluted b/c otherwise it would affect them, callous,unaffected hearts are sad indeed, it is not a strength, just the worst kind of pity.
need2know

On October 31, 2008 at 10:25 pm

hello, i am new here. i have read all the replies and found alot of them very helpfull. especailly the comments from the sociopaths “themselves”. i was/am involved with one and was emotionally beat down for quite some time. it truely hurts knowing that he will never be capable of coming around emotionally, but i now cant help but to be intrigued with the illness. i myself have a personality disorder but im at the OTHER side of the spectrum, instead of not feeling at all, i feel too much-which ultimately worked to his benefit. i have been looking for websites where i could directly hear one talk just to get an actual glimpse of how thier mind works. obviously its impossible for me to try and feel no empathy so this was the only source that was helpful. thank you all. now for my question to one of the actual sociopaths- if a sociopath victemizes people on some kind of social networking such as friendster and went months hiding who they were while manipulating me, what does it mean if i was the only person who he wanted to “reveal” himself to when he spends so much energy hiding from everyone else?
mom

On December 12, 2008 at 2:17 pm

I have a questions for those have say they are sociopaths. Do you remember as a child or has someome told you as a baby you didn’t like to be touched by anyone, even your mother. Where you often figity, aggitaed, almost uncomforable in your own skin, never really at peace?
Do you find you are able to lie about big things to those you love with no remosre? Do you cause great chaos and termoil to those you love and then “get over it” quickly, like nothing happened? did you respond to any punishment as a child? did youlearn from mistakes growning up or did you feel there was nothing to learn as you did nothing wrong?
Would appreciate your history if you are willing to share
Thanks
need2know

On December 15, 2008 at 7:28 am

i think we missed the conversation ^
Thialynn

On December 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm

Hey, So I am new here, I just skimmed through all of these great responses, and it is very interesting to see every ones take on the sociopath. I myself have been married to one now for 20 years, I could write a book on the subject if not curriculum, to educate psychologists, as it has been my experience just recently, that the details of these types seem to elude even the supposed professionals, I can honestly say, that I never would have beleived it, had I not experienced it first hand, these personality types are the most dangerous lyers, and con men around, they will hurt you mentally, if not physicaly, in sadistic ways, controlling there way to the top, while stepping on those around them who are in their way, and such convincing oriters, they stop………..at nothing.
J.K.

On December 24, 2008 at 7:02 pm

Hello Thialynn thank you for your commentary and any insights you wish to share are more than welcome on this page, take care
need2know

On December 24, 2008 at 8:48 pm

TO THIALYNN: if a sociopath feels no remorse, no empathy, no compassion towards others WHAT-SO-EVER, HOW do you stay married to one for 20 years? i am assuming that there are no children involved? i mean i understand the lying…the conning…the conrolling but is there different levels of this illness that would enable some of them to maintain a semi-healthy relationship? from my experience and from what my therapist told me, they are constant “game” players….hence “controlling thier way to the top” they WANT to win….and when they have gotten everything from you that they need (emotions to fill thier emptiness) they could just walk off leaving you torn apart and have no feelings about it at all. or DOES you husband do this and you embrace it for the simple fact that you love him?
Karmic Logic

On December 29, 2008 at 9:01 am

If Sociopath is typified by self-serving, lack of conscience & inability to empathize etc. One might wonder if such an individual clever enough to avoid recognition and various crimes etc would have to consider the depth and complexity of such evil logically becoming more condensed through the victims. That is, it is highly likely that many of the horrid criminals in prisons etc may no doubt be the products of pure ‘condensed’ evil rather then evil themselves. I would hope that those who recognise there Sociopath illness think about the long term repercussions not only on others (clearly not a sociopaths concern) but also on themselves and avoid involvement with all people particularly children.
Just pitching in...

On May 15, 2009 at 7:48 pm

I am 19 years old, I believe I have sociopathic tendancies. I do not usually respond to my emotions very well if at all. I dislike very much to be touched, by anyone, unless it will be to my benefit (a pretty girl perhaps). I can easily lie, and I do so to satisfy my needs where I see fit. I find myself using people again and again, usually women, although I only realize how manipulative my actions are in hindsight, to me in the moment they are just my natural decision making. I cause emotional termoil behind me and have no regret for it. I do see right from wrong, but if it is something wrong that I truly desire I can usually provide a logical argument to make the action O.K. I feel alienated from society, usually viewing any social interaction as a sort of third party (think of it like watching a movie or reading a book),then weaving in and out as I see fit to influence a desired result. I never feel a connection to anyone. This has caused me to nearly cause my parents to divorce, although in my opinion it would be for the betterment of the both of them.
I only recently understood the cause for my behavior after seeing a therapist (to the demands of my parents) It does NOT help that I am actually very sharp, and an excelent problem solver. School was never a problem, I am that guy who gets the A without opening the book, only boosting my own morale. This makes it easier to fabricate and prevaricate and REMEMBER what I have said to each individual, making my power of manipulation very great.
Yes I am capable of having friends, but usually there is an underlying reason for it, they meet a need. I am however trying to learn to control my sociopathic ways, but at the moment it is still a manipulative desire, for I see it as a benefit to myself in the long run to change. I say this because I do not see an intrinsic value in reacquainting myself with my emotions.
Emotions I do have, but they are more of a turmoil of things, and I usually can not differentiate them well. When I was younger this caused me some problems socially, because I would lash out without remorse towards people for reasons even I did not understand. I usually can not determine if I am befriending someone only for some self-serving purpose or just because I find them interesting (which in hindsight, is still self-serving, as they serve to entertain me). I am not religious, I find it stupid as it does not serve me in any way. I see everything through the lense of logic. Take religion as an example, I see laws set up to stifle human nature (which man cannot help to break) in order to create guilt within the individual. This shame serves to keep the individual coming back to the temple of his religion to “repent,” eventually paying for the establishment’s rent and then some.
I see the seven deadly sins as a good thing, as no society could advance if not for the envy and greed of man, of course men will wallow in his successes (gluttony) but his pride (should) keep him in shape. Lust is a necessary factor in procreation, whilst anger serves to defend and protect the individual because anger usually is towards something which is causing the individual considerable trouble. Sloth is not self sustaining, and thus it serves as the goal which people work for to attain.
My therapist (a person who makes a living analyzing people’s individuality and telling them that it comes from some external influence earlier in their lives, eventually trying to convert them to some more manageable form so they can be rereleased into the masses.) says that my lack of commitment and attachment to others comes from problems during the “trust vs mistrust” (birth to 1 yr) stage of my psychosocial development. I honestly agree, for if there is a cause to mistrust the world, and thus not allow yourself to form bonds with anything, it would logically occur when you are still learning about the social environment in the first… seems logical to me.
I just don’t care.
Robert

On May 15, 2009 at 8:47 pm

Dear “Just Pitching In” I will say this, if you would listen to your conscience instead of your fleshly desires to manipulate and if you’d stop trying to justify your manipulative,self serving behavior, you would have a much happier life.

Our Conscience was given to us for a purpose.

Lust,Greed,Gluttony and so on are a detriment, a drain on the soul. You say you rely on logic, but it seems to me your logic is flawed, just something to think on and I’m not trying to berate or attack you.
seen it first hand...

On June 4, 2009 at 4:21 am

Sociopaths have a sense of entitlement, money, sex, power. There is alot of emotion expressed but they are crocodile emotions…lacking empathy. Use, use, use, that\\\\\\\’s how they operate. If you can\\\\\\\’t be used, you are discarded. They love that they have no conscience that gives them the freedom to exploit and manipulate anyone who comes close to them. A true sociopath has no real friends, family is fearful of them or can tell you that they\\\\\\\’ve been taken. Trust not what they say, but watch what they do. The trick to catch the sociopath and get them out of your life is to refuse to be used. They will move on to someone else abusing your violently or walk away with nothing said only to return at a later date to ask of another ridiculous request, your money, your body or your life. They are different from people who have had a bad few years in their life. Sociopaths are unable to maintain any kind of real intimacy, support, or attachment over the duration of their lives. Their real M.O. is a double life. They enjoy the con and ask to keep secrets. Their whole lives are a result of bad choices…resulting in a legacy of destroyed lives.
A sociopath knows he/she\\\\\\\’s different. But feels he/she is superior. So superior that he/she has an impentrable wall of entitlement. True sociopaths think it is their duty to exploit people and TAKE what they want. They attract the very best of people, high moralists, and people-pleasers. Take heed pay attention to their behavior, they are charmers and posses much confidence, which can be confused with integrity and honesty. Pay attention to their character…that says it all.

Blessings to those with a conscience.
John

On June 4, 2009 at 5:13 am

Dear Seen it, Blessings to you too
seen it first hand....

On June 6, 2009 at 4:21 pm

….John…ironic there has been many references in the movies about sociopaths…but encounters with real sociopaths are never w/o deep pain. They are soul damaging and horrifying. What’s ever more disturbing is they are all around us, family, etc. YOU KNOW YOU’RE DIFFERENT WHEN you see their empty emotions and feel their lack of real love. They can’t support healthy competition, cause they have to win at all times-completely. Their deception is time spent toghether monopolized by their wants and desires. If you’re a people pleaser you might think this is love, but it’s not. True sociopaths, are very charming, shower you with false affection as a means to get what they want when they want to take it. They take w/o reciprocation and charm you or fight you to get more, more, more of what they want while your needs are largely ignored. Take, take, take, use, use, use. Take, take, take, more, more, more. The insidious treachery is when you’ve realized that you can’t change them, you can’t love them enough to change their patterns. A person w/a conscience can not convince a person who has none. Deep love and trust is all you crave but it’s just never going to be there…Real humanity they do not posses.

Don’t poor me…are you feeling strong enough to support them or you think you can fight them? Either will never give you peace! Why? Because you can never anticipate the dark path they will lead you DOWN (w/your consent of course)! Are you ready to loose it all for them? If you said yes, you are the perfect prey and GOD help you! If you said I’m not sure, because you thing they can be rescused, changed, or helped, then GOD help you too, because you’ve committed yourself to a life of victimhood in their honor. If instead you chose the most difficult choice and said NO! You have made the most beautiful choice of your life and broken their abuse, use, use, chain to you.

Blessings to those who are strong enough to go NO contact!
Wideawake

On June 17, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Dear Seen it first hand. I have experienced the APD first hand from a “burned out” 60 year old male from MN (of all places) who proposed marriage. I live in NJ. I saw all of the red flags, but was courious. When the “smoke screen” started too get thick, God rescued me. Pulled me out of a horrible pit! The ADP thought he had me under his complete control, but he was out-smarted. I’ve also employed the no contact rule on a “Biblical” basis – “resist the devil and he will flee”. And he is gone. Victory!!!
Samantha

On June 19, 2009 at 12:10 am

No contact is definitely the way to go, but when you are coparenting with a sociopath, you are stuck in a nightmare. My ex constantly torments me and lies to the children and makes my life miserable. I have 2 choices….give up and turn my children over to him, or fight for their freedom and safety. The less time they see him the better. But right now, he is fighting for equal custoday….only so he won’t have to pay child support. He is having to file bankruptcy and I have a very serious boyfriend. Both of those things have sent him off on a rampage. He sends horrible emails, calls my house, calls the children to check on them, but not really to say anything. He’s driving me insane, but what else can I do? I just keep fighting for the sake of my children. My only hope is that he will get tired and walk away.
Wideawake

On June 19, 2009 at 11:28 am

Dear Samantha check out the lovefraud.com website, it has been extremely helpful to me in understanding the behaviors of the sociopath/ADP. The blogs are great also.
Carrie

On July 12, 2009 at 3:48 pm

I have gone back to my husband for 12 years who is a sociopath and don’t know how he manipulates me. Usually he uses threats that he will take the children even though he doesnt want them. I’ve been poisoned,strangled,run over w/ the car,he tried to blow the house up,raped,cheeted on repeatedly, and lied to. Then he tried to convince me that I’m parinoid. I am now.I feel angry that I’ve been so stupid for repeatedly taking him back and I’m the one that gets embarrested when people would find out. He stole from me even the boys christmas presants. I want help.
Mathias

On July 12, 2009 at 8:47 pm

Dear Carrie, my suggestion is to get away from him. Start fresh, get a restraining order, if he violates it…press charges (don’t hesitate on this people who are violent usually get progressively worse unless something is done to curb their behavior) and you deserve a life that is both safe and fulfilling.

As for the emotional healing,I recommend counseling
Tobias Brown

On October 2, 2009 at 12:33 am

OP, I’m sorry, but you’re post is intriguining only in it’s misleading definition of sociopathy and laughable examples.
Now I’m not going to say I’m a sociopath, because I personally believe that these definitions and terms used to describe people of our nature are woefully inadequete. I want to kill people. I want to make people suffer. These are the reality’s that these people and myself have had to deal with. My own experiences with ‘urges’ have left me withdrawn and in the grips of a marijuana addiction. However, I wouldn’t trade my personality or ‘evil’ ways for anything, and I certainly have no interest in changing myself for the better. My understanding of reality, what consitutes as physical and psychological reality and the interraction of the two has lead me to the conclusion that ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ only exist in the psychological reality, which is to say that they only exist in those who view events with a predetermined ethical or moral alignment.
I don’t want to kill people because it is the wrong thing to do. I want to kill people because I have always wanted to. I want to inflict pain because thoughts of it fill my every waking moment. However, with the gift of intelligence, I have been able to successfully mask and hide my nature from those people ‘close’ to me, and it is this ability that I feel is the true identifier of the Sociopath. The sociopath feels, for they love themselves more than anything, yet they can completely detatch themselves from any event/conflict which would otherwise cause them to feel emotional pain. So far I have never met anyone like myself in person, however I have no dout that they are out ther, smiling and waving when I walk past them, just as I do.

As Ted Bundy said: “We serial killers are your sons, we are your husbands, we are everywhere. And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow.”
Joey

On October 2, 2009 at 12:50 am

Tobias, you told the OP “OP, I’m sorry, but you’re post is intriguining only in it’s misleading definition of sociopathy and laughable examples.” and then went on (after describing yourself and thoughts) to mention Ted Bundy, there was nothing misleading or laughable about either the definition or examples given by the OP. You stated

“However, with the gift of intelligence, I have been able to successfully mask and hide my nature from those people ‘close’ to me, and it is this ability that I feel is the true identifier of the Sociopath”

You merely expanded the definition of sociopath based on your experience. You also said ” The sociopath feels, for they love themselves more than anything,”

The sociopath is too self absorbed to have any sort of natural affection for OTHERS, Loving oneself is not hard to do.
Another Poster 212

On October 2, 2009 at 12:58 am

TB, you need some serious help with your mind, I read your post, and IMO it’s pretty warped, and the fact that you’re proud of it is disturbing.
Seems to me the OP’s definition/description, and examples were spot on
PleaseHELP

On October 20, 2009 at 3:48 pm

How in the world do you convince your daughter she is married to a sociopath and she needs to get out now for her sake and that of her 12 month old son? She keeps saying \\\”I need to evaluate and make sure I have done all I can for this marriage to work\\\” This before we knew he was actually sociopath. We knew he was \\\”abusing/emotionally\\\” her but now realize this is his true identity. A cold hearted sociopath! He has Isolated her from her family, no phone calls, emails, visits with son, packages etc. Because HE doesn\\\’t want it. Not her! He uses excuses for everything of course–he is never to blame for anything–In reality he doesn\\\’t want it because HE knows we know exactly what he is and what he\\\’s doing! He\\\’s lied about who he is, his supposedly \\\”wealth\\\” His supposedly PHd, to which is all lies, does not exist. He does not care what she wants, how she feels, oh he will probably throw a bone once in a while but it\\\’s all feigned of course to keep her lured! But to NOT have contact with her family!! This is NOT NORMAL! It\\\’s basically insane…. But in order for her to keep the peace, to make things \\\”run smoothly\\\” at home, she does this ??!! Why can she not stand up for herself? Is the fear so great? Or is she just not getting it? She did not bargin for this…he was all the charming, etc. UNTIL he got her where he wanted her and then he started the abuse, the craziness — he said \\\”IF you talk to your family, it will create images in my head\\\” My god, with that comment, I would have RUN without looking back. That in itself is SICK. Do you think his parents know he has a screw loose? Surely they KNOW something is \\\”missing in him?\\\” He shows no emotion unless it feigned, but only to get what he wants. He always has to dominate the conversation, or he will leave– Of course he threatens her with the marriage, if she does thus or so?? Well then what\\\’s keeping her? Oh that\\\’s right, he tells her she\\\’s NOT taking the son!
JohnKing

On October 20, 2009 at 4:10 pm

Dear PleaseHelp, if she won’t stand up to him but there is a child involved at risk, my best immediate suggestion is talk to her and call authorities (Or CPS)

Talk to her AND (not or) talk to authorities. She may fear him, many abused women are afraid of their abusers, still others genuinely feel the abuse is somehow THEIR fault instead of the abusers. If he feigns love, she may just be codependent and think she needs him in her life. For the child’s sake and her own, get them both out of the situation and then take the next step a women’s shelter might be a good option if there is risk of physical harm.

Hope that helped, best wishes and God Bless
Veronica

On November 5, 2009 at 8:27 am

Why does a person have to be a sociopath to kill someone? Is murder wrong, yes. But what if the person murdered had murdered someone else in your family? What if they abused and raped you for years and it built up and you could not take it anymore? What if you tried to get away but they would not leave you be, and you tried to get police assistence but it didn’t work? In this case, would not the abuser and rapist be the sociopath? Abuse is a horrible thing. And emotional abuse and/or brainwashing is even more terrible and life altering than physical abuse.

I’ve experienced all of the above. And I don’t care what any of you say, if I had to- I would (murder)….Being “family” doesn’t always mean a fly’s ass in the whole scheme of life. You’re assuming that we care about our blood family more than we could for anyone else. All life is prescious, whether blood or not. And a monster is a monster.
Veronica

On November 5, 2009 at 8:41 am

“need2know” – are you borderline personality disorder?
Veronica

On November 5, 2009 at 8:54 am

What makes it alright for the legal system to punish and kill individuals and not other people? What’s really the difference? I mean, if the other people mentioned have actually witnessed the crimes and the legal system hasn’t? Yeah the legal system have tests, but what about crimes that are too old and for which there is no evidence? What about the many cases which intelligent lawyers can connive their client out of being convicted? The people in the legal system are mere human beings like any other, so what makes it more ok for them to in essence murder (repay murder or other things with murder?)
Ash

On November 5, 2009 at 10:10 am

“Why does a person have to be a sociopath to kill someone? Is murder wrong, yes. But what if the person murdered had murdered someone else in your family? What if they abused and raped you for years and it built up and you could not take it anymore? What if you tried to get away but they would not leave you be, and you tried to get police assistence but it didn’t work? In this case, would not the abuser and rapist be the sociopath?”

Dear Veronica, in that case YES the abuser/rapist would (most likely) be.

“What makes it alright for the legal system to punish and kill individuals and not other people?” I myself do not believe in the Death Penalty, I think a person should spend their life imprisoned if they commit a crime. I also believe they (not taxpayers) should have to work and pay for their own meals etc. in prison.

” What about the many cases which intelligent lawyers can connive their client out of being convicted?” IMO they are even worse than their clients if they know damn well their client is guilty but connive to get them off anyway.

“The people in the legal system are mere human beings like any other, so what makes it more ok for them to in essence murder (repay murder or other things with murder?)”

Nothing.
anonymous

On November 12, 2009 at 5:54 pm

to break it down:
sociopaths are a mutation(their brain works different than 97% of their species). this mutation causes them to lack empathy and experience emotions differently. the only difference between ur garden variety sociopath and hitler is that he had power and freedom to do as he pleased.
sociopaths only truly care about stimulation. they usually get their stimulation at the cost of others.

OP has thinks they are evil incarnate…this is true if u believe that an individual that lives only to use people is evil

on top of that a sociopath will say or do anything for trust(leverage from their perspective). w.e any of the admitted sociopaths say in this board is going to be an attempt to coerce you…thats just their nature

in my own opinion sociopaths are \”evil\”. they are very good at climbing social ladders, so they wont be checked for or removed from society anytime soon

to further my point…there has always been a lot of controversy and emotion sorrounding the holocaust. some people are still raised to dislike adn blame the jews…a lot of people harbor slight animosity towards germans, but in the end u can only say that a sociopath is to blame. and what he did felt the same as shaving his face, or mowing his lawn.

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