Growing Up

Your eyes can fool you

That big person-that one over there, the one who is yelling at the cashier because the cashier attempted to enforce the 15 items or less rule in the express lane-that one LOOKS like an adult but is not. Likewise for that boss who threw a tantrum. So is the neighbor who takes every opportunity to complain about the least little problem.

When we see a person who appears to have some age on him or her-oh, say, at least 25 years-we make several assumptions about this person. We assume that 25+ year-olds are reasonably mature.

But how do we define maturity? Certainly most people in their twenties are physically mature and a lot of people in their mid-twenties have completed a lot of schooling, so they have a lot of intellectual maturity.

But are they really mature?

The two forms of maturity that are most easily discernable are the two least important types of maturity. Anyone can become a physical adult-just stay alive long enough. And most people have the capability of graduating from high school and/or college.

In fact, there are two other types of maturity which are far more important. One is emotional maturity-this is the ability to make choices about how one’s emotions are expressed. The person yelling at the cashier doesn’t have this-when that person gets angry, watch out. Anyone in the way gets blasted.

In contrast, when the person with emotional maturity feels anger he or she considers whether that anger is really warranted (oops-I have 20 things in the 15 or less line-my bad) and how to express the anger in an effective way. Complaining to a cashier about a store policy is rarely effective. Writing a thoughtful letter to a manager is a better way to express dissatisfaction with some aspect of a grocery store.

Along with emotional maturity, there is ethical maturity. (More details on this are available at here). In the Bible it says we are to love the Lord God and also to love our neighbor. This means that we are not to be selfish. An ethical person realizes that there are other people in the world and is able to place other people’s needs ahead of his or her own when necessary. An ethical person is willing to sacrifice personal time, energy, and comfort in the interest of doing something that is good.

Emotional and ethical maturity are evident by how a person behaves, particularly when something is going wrong.

If you see no evidence of emotional and ethical maturity, the person you are dealing with is, by definition, NOT an adult, no matter what this person looks like. This person’s behavior is controlled by selfishness and whims. Don’t expect adult understandings or behaviors and don’t be too upset when this person has a temper tantrum and blames you for something. Immature people’s self-centeredness assures us that their blame comes from something internal to them.