Introvert vs. Extrovert
As an introvert from the beginning, my life was never too easy. My parents and my teachers always encouraged me to talk and asked me to face the world. I am indebted to them for having helped me come out of my self-imposed cocoon.
How do you deal with people who are outgoing and others who just refuse to come out of their shell?
Everyone tries to be different. To be a cut above the others. To be spotted immediately in a crowd. To be distinguished from the ordinary.
Well… almost everyone. While that may be what a lot of people would like, there are quite a few out there who would like nothing better than to blend in and become lost in the ocean of mediocrity surrounding humankind. They call this breed introverts, and they, myself included, get a very raw deal indeed.
Being Different
Let’s face it… nobody likes introverts. How long will it take people to figure out that they are just “wired” differently?
It is quite normal to be an introvert; indeed, it is assumed that nearly a quarter of the world’s population is so. But humans, being what they are, regard any majority as “normal” and the minority as “different”. The result is that introverts are always labeled with narrow, unflattering words such as “snob” or “loner”, which immediately suggest smallness of personality.
Parties? They generally count themselves out of the noise and banality. Companionship? Except for a few close friends, introverts are no social butterflies; and they’re especially bad at small talk and don’t want to reduce a conversation to the least common denominator to involve everybody. Introverts constantly feel like intruders on someone else’s privacy; instead, they are able to express themselves a lot better in writing than in speech.
In other words, introverts are the metaphorical square peg in a round hole.
Extroverts, on the other hand, have got it made. They’re labeled with the words “sociable” and “outgoing”, and, in a world where showing-off is an asset than a liability, they have an undeniable head start in life. Extroverts can manipulate and convince people better, and gain people’s confidence and friendship with absurd ease. In our society, a talkative person is by default a friendly person. Unless, of course, that person happens to be a telemarketing executive.
Left Out
It’s not that introverts dislike people. But for a society that puts its weight behind extroverts, people with a lean towards introversion don’t make an envious picture.
Right from the days of school, introverts find themselves on the wrong end of everything. Their idea of a good time – a few hours of quiet reading, for example, is termed “geeky”; almost a sure fire way of getting yourself banned from a clique of friends. They end up taking refuge in sarcasm, a way to give back to the world what it had given to them – not the most endearing of qualities.
For no fault of their own, fingers are always pointed at them; that they are responsible for their own loneliness. However, putting on a plastic smile and a fake laugh is worse… it leads to low self-esteem, depression and an identity crisis. Just doesn’t work that way. Trying to force their company on people for a day out doesn’t work either. It’s just not worth listening to those suppressed sniggers and the “I-am-searching-for-an-excuse-so-give-me-some-time” voices.
Coming Out of the Shell
But it’s not all that bad. Introverts are valued for their listening ability, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, you needn’t look any further. They might not be deliciously instinctive, but you must give them points for being meticulously methodical.
So all those introverts reading this, here’s what you can do to make life a little easier and throw away that loner tag. If speaking out is your problem, try to do so in front of a mirror first, before you take on the living variety. If actions speak louder than words, then giving an unexpected gift to a prospective friend is a sure shot way of breaking the ice. And tell you what – Smile. True, the trusty “talk-about-the-weather” technique is also a winning formula, but a smile can work wonders.
All easier said that done – I’m still struggling with the mirror part.
As for you extroverts… two words – Keep Quiet.
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User Comments
Lance Taylor
On March 12, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I enjoyed the article very much and I myself am an introvert so I can connect with it very well. I hated myself for being an introvert until one day when I read in an article “Introverts are the scholars, the scientists, the inventors, the writers, the poets, and the artists. Imagine life without them-it would be a TV commercial.” Ever since then I have valued myself as high as extroverts and I realized that I have the same, if not more, to give. So I hope you’re article reaches out to more introverts and helps them with their problems.
Sincerely,
Lance Taylor
whatsittoyah
On April 10, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Who are you to say nobody like introverts? And lance taylor who are you to say introverts have problems?
AHappyIntrovert
On January 24, 2009 at 3:13 am
Niki,
I think you’re confusing introversion with being “shy,” and you also seem to think being introverted is a bad thing…. actually, it has “many” advantages (try reading, “The Introvert Advantage”). Not all introverts are shy. Most find it very easy to talk with others, enjoy it, and come across very outgoing… it’s just that they need very little socializing, and too much of it will wear them out.
Introverts have more “frontal” brain activity than extroverts. They have rich inner worlds and are highly stimulated and rarely get bored. Extroverts aren’t nearly as stimulated and so they “need” more outside stimulation – and thrive on it. Introverts are lucky in that they don’t “need” as much outside stimulation. They can rely on themselves for that.
It’s much easier to be a shy introvert than a shy extrovert. A shy extrovert is one who “needs” social activity. Introverts are the lucky ones, because they can be their own best friends.
Also, I’m a deep thinker and tend to be very different… never following the crowd, but I “like” that. I’m proud and thankful for being different. It’s “so” easy to be like everyone else, but not everyone can be an independent thinker.
I’m an introvert, but I love people, smile “a LOT,” and strike up conversation with total strangers when I’m out all the time, but I only need a “little” bit of socializing to feel balanced and happy. I’m also good at small talk. I don’t have a lot of acquaintances that I see too often, but I have a few close friends…. “real” friends with whom I feel a strong connection. I don’t feel “left out.” Even as a kid, I never had the desire to be part of a “group.” I was a VERY happy child and had a lot of friends, but I always enjoyed hanging out with them one on one or maybe with just 2 or 3 friends at a time. These days, most of the time, I’m perfectly content to stay at home, and for that, I feel very lucky.
Anyway, it sounds to me like you are a shy “extrovert.” Seems to me that you need and truly desire more social interaction. However, if you really are an introvert, please don’t dismiss this wonder gift!! As an introvert, you’re your own best friend. You can travel the world “alone” and have an amazing and incredibly meaningful, special time (I know – I’ve done it!), you don’t have to worry about making plans with others all the time – you just enjoy your rich inner world. Wherever you are, you’re with your best friend. What could be better? Good luck.
Louise
On April 4, 2009 at 3:26 pm
I think extroverts tend to be rather ‘fake’ once you examine in them more detail. I also think a lot of people try to fit in rather than just be themselves; this would count for the higher percentage (allegedly) in the world relating to extroverts.
Personally speaking, extroverted people tend to be very demanding and require constant social stimulation, which I find to be very dull and tiresome. It is good to be happy within yourself and not seek answers from other people anyway…
brittany
On April 18, 2009 at 2:31 am
can introverted people make just as good friends as extroverted people? and can being introverted be outgrown?
elle
On September 14, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Brittany,
Don’t confuse introversion which is only needing less social interaction and tiring from too much social interaction with shyness which is fear and axiousness around people.
People confuse the two all the time and they are different. Shyness or social anxiety is a condition that can be overcome. Introversion is an fixed part of a person’s personality.
A person can be extroverted and shy or introverted and shy.
Shy is a problem, introversion is not a problem. I disagree that being popular and the life of the party and a loud person are that important. I think they can be detrimental, especially when you try to maintain that popularity at all costs. That puts you at the whim of other people (peer pressure) and can cause you to exclude and be mean to others. In fact, it’s a scientitic fact that many popular people are nasty people.
If you are a quieter type, not anxious around others or afraid to stick up for yourself and speak your mind, that is fine. There’s nothing the matter with you just because this society prefers loud, aggressive people. You have your own strengths and gifts,
Some extroverted people are shallow, nasty, and insecure. They can’t do anything alone and they lack the ability to look inside themselves and face their problems head on.
I’m an introvert and I’m glad. I am not the life of the party, but I don’t care because that would leave me drained anyway. I am moderately shy, but I am working on my confidence level and social skills. Like it was said by someone earlier, I am my own best friend and I don’t need constant outside stimulation.
Shannon Hamling
On September 25, 2009 at 9:35 pm
I thank you for writing this. I’m a senior in high school and I’ve never been cool. I listen to every kind of music possible, I grew up in Tennessee but now live in Los Angeles, and my entire family are gold hearted tattooed motorcylists.I’m trained in martial arts and my parents have, since pretty much birth,raised me to be successful, mature, smart, and self-sufficient. If that wasn’t enough to set me apart I’m also hopelessly INTROVERTED. I read,write,paint and draw, play music, and sing.
But one aspect i’ve never had success in is socialization.
I only started realizing how different I was in Junior High because my dad is very anti-social and when i was younger i had the mentality of “there’s nothing wrong with daddy so there’s nothing wrong with me.”
well sorry for my life story but thank you for the article it provides me comfort in knowing.
Vexbeast
On November 22, 2009 at 12:10 am
I hope no one reads this rubbish. It’s sad that it starts by feeding people’s insecurities to get their attention.
This is nothing but misinformation written by someone who doesn’t understand what introversion and extroversion are. Just like the majority of the internet.
Why does everyone think they understand these terms?
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