Home Alone

Can you lock your door, switch off your mobile and plug out the landline, switch off the TV and stereo and iPod and MP3, switch off your PC and Blackberry, close the book you’ve been reading, draw the curtains and just sit back to listen to yourself? Can you feel that moment of ‘switching out the world’ and just being with your self? Can you smile at the spectre of just you alone with not an intruding stimulus to your peace?

Are you, then, comfortable with yourself, not fussing about for a filler of time in form of biscuits or a beer, pretending to cook, ironing or compulsive cleaning, looking for mundane activities just to fill space and time? Can you remain so for a minute without cracking, yearning to call mummy for a good cry to drown your sorrows, or a friend for a gossipy titbits or be a BBC mouthpiece? Can you survive without the desire to crash at a mate’s place for bonding?

Can you get along just fine without company and neither looking out of the window longingly for the girl next door? Or could you still face the prospects of yet another similar day without thinking of buying a pet cat or dog?

Loner Never

In an increasingly global world with open migrations and enhanced communication means, many are those often on the move or settling in a foreign home. In the resultant milieu of cultural diversity, coupled with career demands in a fast world that also is as complex in terms of personal security and variability in peoples’ rights to exercise their freedom of choices in whatever means, trust has been eroded. Runaway youths have stretched the numbers in isolation, just like their parents or those who children mature and leave home. The inner cities have turned very isolative even with the overpopulations that should otherwise provide support and companionship.

Many others have taken up lifestyles that allow them retreats to far-off hideaways, or have adopted concepts that call for secretive habitations. Extreme enthusiasts of environment conservations have defined hermit afresh. They can often be in harmony with by some religious believers and track events sports stars. Similarly, the world of espionage has sent a few of its own in such adventures.

Changing family structures have led a greater shift to single unit homes following many couples opting out of having children, or when such couples separate. And in a worse case, bereavement makes more of single unit families. Yet, many more are those who have declared celibacy on relationships and focused their minds on careers and personal fulfilment.

Individualism comes with liberties and self-sufficiency that many hold dear to. Some go individualistic to recover themselves or to escape from some pressure in their lives, and many don’t want to be found.

Finding Oneself

Even in the newfound home- either singly or in companionships, still the search for the entity continues to nag. It might be physical dwelling on appearance and attire, emotional drawing on peace and acceptance, or acumen when people retrain their thoughts into arts that are inborn yet lying in their subconscious untapped.

The impulse to check in the mirror is innate. For many, it is compulsive. A mirror comes handy more than a wallet/purse and is a weapon to weld before facing a crowd. Yet, it is a face we know to the last detail, to the shape of the ears and the growth of eyebrows. Hours are spent studying the face, and more on inspecting it. The same goes for other anatomical areas. Many can sketch their six-packs or their tummies from all the study they allocate, yet still ask others to compliment them.

Drawing inwards as a means to staving off an unfavourable experience is sometimes the recipe for letting go and starting anew. When relationships fail or after bereavement, survival comes through blanking the outside world temporarily as the being marshals the strength and drive to tackle the new perspective. The withdrawal often comes as ‘depression’ that can last for widely variable durations depending on the person’s fighting prowess and call to let go.

The ability to fill personal space and time with inner peace is a step towards facing the loneliness. Even the very lowly have infinite capacity to draw from and hence build up. As Internet has broadened the span of applications and accessibility, there are many avenues to take in the personal journey of expression.

Unfortunately, many are we who suffer loneliness in great parties and raves where else company is aplenty. Many others are in stable relationships and yet are forever so lonely that they never cease hiding in the bathroom for a tear. Some others too have clutches of children, yet they are so lonely that they never ever tune to the brightness of their daughters cheering them up. Little wonder that many still have girly dolls they cradle in bed holding on for their dear lives. And if not that, motors become an extension of their self and the only means of escape to freedom.

Worthy Solitude          

For a few, the realisation that relationships do not complete their whole sphere of influence oft turns out the opportune for very worthy recreational aspects. Many in the scholarly world know that the exclusion during the times of demanded concentration is rewarded favourably. Equally, inventors and creative literary giants have made their masterpieces in strict isolation. Retreats by athletes have also allowed for time to dig deep into their strengths that have eventually led to great fetes.

Personal space is continually a sought-after quality. However much companionship is required, the respect of person’s need for own time is always a recipe for continued bliss. A couple will learn that a man needs time alone in the garden shed while the woman needs time to herself in the kitchen. The same goes for children when they make their bedrooms no-go areas for their parents.

Mood Swings

Loneliness is an imprisonment that we often and sometimes purposely condemn and sentence ourselves to. It is often a mantle we wear like a suit or a facemask and is a means of escape from facets of live that we eventually have to face. A failed relationship is often an opportunity to move on. Children leaving home should signal that our duty of propping the next generation is done, while bereavement should prepare us for our time too. With such awareness, the yoyo feelings of despondency that characterise many living singly can be negated.

Intimacy is a choice- some people thrive on it while others drown from it. When persons know what they want in relationships, they can employ intimacy to fight mood swings that might arise when in solitude. Foreboding views of low self-worth would be forgotten when in company of appreciative companions. The general act of preparing to go out for a meal- thus the ultimate to go through the wardrobe looking for a gown and styling a new hairdo- all make the heart mellow and the brain is nourished again. That sensitises the mood centre and the moods disappear.

Hope Whip

No one need be lonely if one can occupy the mind with hope. However, let that hope not come in dreams of lotto wins to fund a life of luxuries. Money never bought anyone long lasting happiness. Similarly, getting a date every day is never the means to beat loneliness- eventually you will have to stand alone and even for the coupled, they have to fall asleep along and face their demons alone.

If loneliness comes as a need to engage in a relationship, there are thousands of dating websites for that. Alternatively, joining a social networking group opens the chances of meeting new people from which to make a choice from similarly solo.

A delve into social skills would not necessarily be for better career prospects, the same would go towards the nurture of the tact that is never missed in relationships. There can never be two persons operating on the same wavelength in all aspects of life, and thus there are bound to be many points of conflict. Yet, with acute social skills, two would be better equipped to settle differences that would hence negate the recourse to the life of loneliness.

The baton to bash loneliness is you. Make the best of yourself and you will never be lonely.