Parent Alienation
by Parent alienation is a syndrome caused by one parent persuading the child the other parent doesn’t love them and is dangerous to be in contact with. These children become fearful of being hurt and somtimes sever all contact with the ousted parent. Manipulated children become depressed, fearful and may develop suicidal tendencies.
Parent alienation is a highly controversial concept that may one day be a real diagnoses of children who are strongly attached to one parent, and reject the other in the false belief that he or she is bad and may harm them. It happens, especially when parents are divorced and one custodial parent tells the child untrue stories about the absentee to make the child fearful of that parent. A manipulative parent will conceal telephone calls, destroy letters and gifts, then use the “no contact” ruse to prove to the child the other parent doesn’t love them.
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One survivor, who would not reveal her name, said her mother told her so many lies about her father that she persuaded her to lie and tell the judge her father was abusive. She said she was convinced he would be if he got the chance. Enough of these cases have been noted that the American Psychiatric Association’s 50 contributing authors from 10 countries will make their case in the American Journal of Family Therapy in early 2010. It will influence insurance coverage to raise the odds that these children will get more timely treatment.
Richard Gardner first reported the syndrome when he saw a huge surge in children suffering from a number of symptoms including fear of a parent that sometimes included accusation of sex abuse that did not exist, and automatic parroting of the other parent’s views. Some kids became suicidal when custody was awarded to the feared parent.
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Divorcing parents should be very aware that hostilities can seriously harm children. The long terms implications are severe. In a study resulting in a 2007 book,”Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome” 40 survivors were found to be guilt ridden, depressed, and filled with self loathing. One survivor only recognized recently that she was manipulated by her mother, and that her long held view of her father wasn’t accurate. They now speak daily and she says,” I’ve missed out on a great relationship with my father and it hurts.
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Post CommentMichael Eboh
On December 22, 2009 at 6:43 am
Oh so hurting. I feel u and especially those in deep paid for loss of dear ones.
ken bultman
On December 22, 2009 at 7:21 am
Something else to worry about when parents split.
Sharif Ishnin
On December 22, 2009 at 7:27 am
F.E.A.R-False Evidence Appearing Real. The media use this technique all the time. Sad to see children being manipulated by a parent and become stunted on how they perceive things.
AlmaG
On December 22, 2009 at 7:34 am
Parents should be aware of the long term effect this could give to their children.
Wennie Estares
On December 22, 2009 at 7:45 am
that’s the usual result of separation. parents should spare their children from pretenses and false information about the other.
Unofre Pili
On December 22, 2009 at 7:45 am
This is one social malady that should be given immediate attention. Thanks for sharing it, maam.
V rank
On December 22, 2009 at 7:51 am
Oh, this is a very heartfelt story. though I am not a parent yet, I cold feel how it is so hard to be in the situation as a child…
Glynis Smy
On December 22, 2009 at 8:52 am
Sadly this is a fact of life that I understand. Very good article.
Frances Lawrence
On December 22, 2009 at 8:53 am
This is a very real problem and one that should not be allowed to happen, it robs children of their childhood and casts a shadow on the rest of their life.
SharifaMcFarlane
On December 22, 2009 at 9:54 am
I’ve seen this done. Don’t know how you can hate someone so much that you do that to a child. I guess they don’t realize the consequences.
SharifaMcFarlane
On December 22, 2009 at 9:58 am
I’ve also seen people not complain or say anything negative about the other parent, in situations where they could have. It takes a person who is concerned abou the welfare of their child and upholding the dignity, both of themselves and the other person.
Christine Ramsay
On December 22, 2009 at 10:35 am
Being an ex teacher I came across dramatic changes in the children of broken families. It is difficult on the parents when they split up but the children do suffer and need to be given a lot of consideration. A very good article.
Christine
Lex92
On December 22, 2009 at 11:48 am
thats terrible.. it sounds like the book Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen the mother doesn’t let her older daughter have any contact with her younger daughter and so the younger daughter thinks that her sister hates her until the mom leaves the younger sister and the younger sister then has to live with the older one
Judy Kaelin
On December 22, 2009 at 4:19 pm
I have seen this happen with many children when working in the office of an elementary school.
CRYSTAL EVANS
On December 22, 2009 at 4:22 pm
stimulating and informative tthanks for sharing ruby X
A. Fool
On December 22, 2009 at 5:06 pm
This is very true; and tragically, many children grow up, have children of their own, and maintain the false belief that Mommy (or Daddy) never loved them.
8Shei8
On December 22, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Unhealthy for the child to grow up in this environment but sad to say it does happen. Thanks Ruby!
PR Mace
On December 22, 2009 at 8:15 pm
My son’s divorce was final on the 15th. I have a feeling his ex-wife will be this kind of parent. I can see her telling our granddaughters we don’t love them. I guess we will just have to see how it all works out. He is bringing them to our house for Christmas Eve and I am looking forward to it. Excellent article, Ruby.
Brenda Nelson
On December 22, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Sadly I feel that parents do know it harms their kid, but dont care because they are motivated through selfish reasons wanting the child to love them more and so forth.
Shirley Shuler
On December 22, 2009 at 11:34 pm
A sad fact of life, but so true, Ruby!
Eunice Tan
On December 23, 2009 at 12:03 am
Sad story but we must move on. Never give up
mkd1788
On December 23, 2009 at 2:19 am
nice psychology u have shared..great one
gaby7
On December 23, 2009 at 3:56 am
In my country, this is a very common behavior of parents, especially those that have been grappling with dysfunction. I have known of a mother who was neglected by her husband and single handedly brought up her two boys. The boys later finished university and got good jobs, now they have been so poisoned by their mother against their father that they hardly want to see their father.
cutedrishti8
On December 23, 2009 at 11:02 am
It’s a sad part of life…
virtualredheart
On December 23, 2009 at 2:10 pm
divorce will give big negative impact in children life. thanks for sharing.
jaysonv
On December 24, 2009 at 12:22 am
i like your post.. thank! very great.
S A JOHNSON
On December 26, 2009 at 11:29 pm
I think that’s both sad and sick.
We got temporary custody of three of my baby cousin who had been heavily abused by their parents. One of them, not knowing that what the father did was wrong, told us and a doctor that the father had been putting his fingers inside of her. When we tried to get full custody of them, they questioned her and said that it sounded like we persuaded her. The doctor had even written a note saying that there was physical evidence but it didn’t help. Throughout the hearings we just kept hearing that we made it all up and that the children were being told lies.
Now I know that it probably happened because there are many people like this that DO persuade children to lie for them.