Single Black Christian Woman Chronicles Day 19

I was at some event with a bunch of people and this handsome guy came up to me and asked me if I would marry him not based on who he was now or even what he was doing now but on who he would be and what he would do in the future. I went through my head weighing my desires and thinking “I really like him… but no, Dad [my pastor] said to never marry a guy based on potential…”  I was teetering between saying yes and no (leaning heavily towards no) when  the handsome guy interrupted my thoughts by saying, “The answer is no because I haven’t done it yet.” The dream ended.

When I woke up I thought about the dream and if God might have been trying to tell me something with it. I prayed about it and asked God if it was something I could share here. 

What happens when we give our hearts to guys based on how they will change? What happens when we give our hearts away based on potential alone? I think the answer is, we wake up finding ourselves dissatisfied wondering why the relationship isn’t living up to our dreams. Could it be that when we give our hearts away to a guy based on how he will change… you know, how he will get saved, start going to church, get discipled, come to bible study, apply the teachings he’s heard, change his views on women, treat you with more respect, etc… we create a false image of the guy that we end up clinging to? When we do decide to stay with, or begin dating guys who honestly are not yet where they need to be we deceive ourselves. There is no guarantee that the guy will ever change or grow to the place you hope he will. No matter how in love you may feel, it’s wise to take a step back and let Holy Spirit show you the real guy as he is and let the truth make you free. If you like what you see, good; but if you see something you can’t live with you may want to reconsider jumping in full steam ahead. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard mentors and people with experience say “however the guy is now is how he’s going to be later.” I know it may seem like a bit harsh on the guy, so I’ll soften it by saying the same is true for you too!  I mean, think about it, how much would you like it if a guy tried to date you just to change you? Not very flattering, hmm? In this case, it might help to apply that golden rule, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  It wouldn’t be fair to you or the guy to enter into a relationship based on potential and spread heartbreak both ways. Once the honeymoon wears off and you begin to realize that Mr. Boo ain’t changing, you’ll either want out or you’ll try to stick it out hoping to no avail that Mr. Boo will change. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound like an appealing situation to me!