Using the Theory of Transactional Analysis in Daily Communication

During our day we come across many different people who we are required to interact with. If you’ve ever wondered: “why did I say that?” or “why did that person get so offended?” then perhaps you would benefit from using the ideas presented by transactional analysis. Transactional analysis was developed by Eric Berne, author of The Game People Play and I’m Okay, You’re Okay. His theory is based on analysis of interpersonal communications which can help us all communicate more effectively. As we all know, the majority of communication depends on the one communicating. Where are they coming from? This is the question we must all ask when interacting with one another. Berne classified each persons’ orientation towards the rest of the world into four different “life scripts.”

These life scripts guide our communications with one another, identifying your life script can help you in recognizing how you communicate with others and may also help you see things that you might want to change when conversing with others. A general knowledge of life scripts can also help you identify others’ life scripts which can help you better understand their personal orientation in the world. Berne categorized life scripts into four different groups: I’m okay, you’re okay; I’m not okay, your okay; I’m okay, you’re not okay; and, I’m not okay, you’re not okay. These scripts help us identify the general tone of our interactions with others. Those of us operating from the I’m okay, you’re okay script have high self esteem and have generally positive feelings towards other people. These people are generally positive people and usually are non-confrontational.

Those coming from the I’m okay, you’re not okay script tend to have a high self esteem, yet are very critical towards others. You might be operating from this script if you feel that nobody can do as good of a job as you can, or if you feel that nobody can meet your expectations. The third script is the I’m not okay, you’re okay script. Those operating from this orientation tend to be subservient to others and may be regarded as “doormats,” or someone who is willing to do anything for approval. The low self esteem is problematic since it often results in a type of “victim” mentality. The final script, or the I’m not okay, you’re not okay script involves those who exhibit a low self esteem yet are also critical of others. Such people tend to not give themselves credit for their accomplishments nor will they give others any praise based on others’ accomplishments. As we will see later on, certain scripts will dictate the amount of time spent in different “ego states.”