When the Pain Becomes Too Much: Thoughts on Suicide

Other types of variables that would increase or decrease a person’s risk of suicide include gender (females are approximately 1/4 less likely to commit suicide than males, though females try 2-3 times more often than males) and a feeling of hopelessness (Aaron T. Beck and his coleagues conducted a study in which a person rated their hopelessness on a scale from one [lowest] to twenty [highest]; 91% of individuals who committed suicide had rated their hopelessness ten or more).

Emotional Pain and Escapism

Speaking purely from a personal point of view, there are times when the mental anguish just becomes too much. Your chest aches to the point of bursting from all the sorrow you’re trying to lock inside, all you can think about is the times you’ve failed, how much it hurts just to take another breath. How desperately you want peace – any peace – in any form you can get it. Even when you’re ‘happy,’ the pain is always there, waiting for you. It can seem like it will never, ever get better, that the pain will never go away.

I have no doubt I would have eventually killed myself to escape that never ending pain.

Yes, perhaps that would have been incredibly selfish of me. I do not refute that; indeed, I agree. But I defend my selfishness, because unless you have been to the depths of despair that I have, you could not understand emotionally what I was going through. Maybe you would understand intellectually, just the same as you know and understand what the people in the world trade center must have felt like on 9/11. But were you there? Can you taste the bitter tang of fear? Can you intimately know and identify with the overwhelming horror and pain these people felt? Knowledge is not experience.

What Can You Do?

If you think someone is thinking about suicide, talk to them – be a friend whom they can lean on, someone to help talk them through it. And by all means, urge them to seek professional help, should they need it. It’s as simple as that. However, you shouldn’t stretch yourself too thin. If you cannot support them, find someone who can. Tell someone you can trust your concerns, or go to a professional who is trained to deal with this kind of thing.

The Subject of Blame

For my final thought on suicide, I would like to mention something that I feel is incredibly important: if someone you know chooses death by suicide, do not blame yourself. Yes, it is natural to feel grief, guilt, and remorse; but ultimately, it was not your choice. Mourn, and when you’re done mourning, remember this.

I hope, however, that before you assign the blame on the person who committed suicide, you would think about what I stated in the ‘escapism’ section.

To some, death can be a release.

Links

• Suicide Statistics
• More Suicide Statistics
• “Why People Die by Suicide” by Thomas Joiner
• Suicide Support