Why is My Spouse So Possessive of Me?

Why is my spouse so possessive of me?

When a person shrinks his entire personal world so much so that he just has that one relationship to hold on to psychologically, he becomes possessive of that particular relationship. His entire emotional strength come from just that one relationship and hence he does not want to share that relationship with anybody else.

A piece f wood, when held too close to your eyes, will cover even the sun from your sight. People hold the relationship they are possessive of so close to themselves that it makes them oblivious of the rest of the world.  The person who is possessive of a relationship becomes so prejudiced about everything happening around them that they now have only two lines of thinking: everything that even shoes signs of disturbing this relationship is wrong.

Possessiveness is sheer psychological suffocation. While for you the other person happens to be the whole world and the only one you want to hold on psychologically, the other person has a larger perspective of his world. You also happen to be in his world, but you aren’t the whole world for that person. That person will never be able to reciprocate your demands to your satisfaction and he will never be able to live the matter is that the demands and expectations. The fact of the matter is that the demands and expectations of a possessive person are always unrealistic. It is not hat the other person does not love you enough or does not care for you enough. Certainly, you are a star in his life but not the only star.

It all began when each of us were just children. The need to possess always precedes the willingness to share. A child who had not known on how to possess will never know how to share. Mummy, daddy, teddy, pencil, crayons, sipper and toys-virtually everything, the child first feels very possessive of them. Only when the need to possess is completely fulfilled, will the child display willingness to share them with others. In fact, when the child’s need to possess something is fulfilled it volunteers to share it with others.

Unfortunately, because we adults believe that sharing is a virtue, we force our children to share everything that they have got even without allowing them to possess it enough. We want to project to the society that our children are philanthropists by birth. When the child is forced to give and share, it perceives it as a transfer of ownership. The child feels, what was mine is no more mine. The child perceives sharing, when forced, as a sense of loss. With every forced sharing the child feels a sense of emotional deprivation. This emotional starvation and eventually manifests itself as possessiveness in a grown-up adult.