Your Teen’s Brain

MRIs show that a teen’s brain uses a primitive processing of information. Teens think with the emotional part of their brain, and among other things they have a hard time differentiating between anger and stress. They are apt to think you are angry at them when you are only stressed or worried. Their surges of hormones make them moody, and quick to anger and lash out.

Boys can be loud and rowdy, while girls feel overwhelmed. It can take his or her brain much longer to swing back than an adults. Your child’s brain has been hijacked by her emotions. And the bad news is they will be in their twenties before the analytical part of the brain comes into play. Woe to the poor parents. It’s not easy living with a brain that is a construction site. That doesn’t mean your teen can’t cope with his emotions. It just means it’s harder for him than an adult.

The teen brain grows in spurts just like the rest of the body. During these years a teen is particularly sensitive to alcohol and drugs. Experimentation can lead to long term problems and addiction. So be especially vigilant about how he is handling himself.

Use these tactics to help your child maintain his equilibrium. If you need to discuss your son’s behavior and he is agitated, give him time to cool off. Let him have a few hours to get himself under control unless it’s something urgent. Tell him to let you know when he is ready but it will have to be before he goes outside. You are giving him respect and setting a deadline. Remember when dealing with kids keep your emotions under control. Show him by example how to behave when angry or stressed.

Don’t allow teens to become disrespectful. If she slams her bedroom door in your face. Tell her to stay in her room and cool off. That you understand she is upset but she does not have the right to slam the door in your face or be disrespectful. Tell her if she is too mad to talk to you she can go to her room and beat her pillow until she feels better. Then ground her for the evening. Discuss her brain development with her. Tell her you understand but it is not an excuse to be disrespectful.

Teens can be embarrassed by their behavior and think they are going crazy. Discuss it with her and tell her it’s not a reason to rant and rave that she or he can deal with it. It’s just a hard patch in the road, and she can handle it. She is still accountable for her actions.

Don’t try to make all your teens decisions. Some decisions are nonnegotiable, but let him make as many decisions as possible. He needs to judge situations and hone his skills. Tell him to take the time to think his decisions through and give the logical part of his brain time to kick in. The goal is to teach him to make good decisions for himself.

A few things you need to watch out for:

If he talks about violence and seems excited by it, speak to your doctor. Ask if you need a referral to a therapist.

She thinks she’s ugly: It’s okay if she says it sometimes but dresses and goes to school. If it takes her hours to get ready before she leaves the house or if she becomes obsessed about a certain part of her body, be concerned and speak to your doctor.

He spends all his time in his bedroom. It’s okay if he’s busy working or talking to friends. If he stays alone and ignores his school work he could be depressed. Speak to your doctor.

He plays violent video games: Violence stimulates aggressive areas of the brain. Be concerned.

Your teen spends more time with you than friends: Discourage it. It’s great to spend some time with your teens but they need to learn social skills hanging out with friends.

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