10 Basic Chores That Can Save a Marriage
by Marriage is a joint commitment that requires teamwork and great communication to prevent a good marriage from evolving into something ugly.
Usually, the best ways to save a marriage from heading south is to perform a few basic chores, so to nurture a healthy development as a couple. These ten basic chores can save a marriage and renew the spark that first attracted the couple to each other in the beginning.
Put Down The Toilet Seat
Men are the world’s worse at neglecting to put the toilet seat down after using the bathroom and women do not like it. Put the toilet seat down and start showing your woman some respect around the house.
Take The Trash Out
Taking the trash out is a simple chore that both men and women can share together. Men can score some points with their wives by taking the trash out without being asked to.
Don’t Drink Straight Out Of The Carton
Again, this is a respect issue and a health issue as well. Drinking directly out of a carton of milk or juice is disgusting and disrespectful to the other members in the household. Do the right thing and pour the drink into a glass and place the carton back into the refrigerator.
Clean The House
For some reason most men believe that cleaning the house is a woman’s job, but the fact is, it is not. Household duties are the responsibility of all members of the household. To further nurture the relationship, try scheduling a chore list that each member in the house is responsible for completing. Running a household is a joint responsibility and the sooner that this is recognized than the quicker household conflicts can be avoided.
Wash Dishes
Ok, no one enjoys washing dishes, but really it is the perfect time for a couple to do something together and talk to each other (not at each other) about the kids, family or other important household issue. One person washes the dishes, while the other person dries the dishes and takes this opportunity to talk to one another.
Share Closet Space
Usually what happens in this situation is that the woman will occupy three-quarters of all of the closet space in the house and leaving the remaining one-quarter of the space for their man. However, this behavior is really sending the wrong message, because it can be interrupted as there is only this much room in the marriage for the man. Women, don’t hog all of the closet space, but instead try to accommodate both of your needs by better organizing the closet space that your have, so that both you and your man will better share the little space that you both share. This will send the right message to your spouse.
Liked it
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Post CommentSandra Petersen
On November 18, 2007 at 8:03 am
I hope many young, just starting in marriage, couples read this. It can save spouses from feeling they are being taken for granted. I have been married for 27 years, and I can still learn a little from this list.
brad
On November 18, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Outstanding article and tips. I think I know a few people that could really use the list right now. Thank you for the list.
Beatrice Adams
On November 18, 2007 at 8:43 pm
We all have different “buttons” – I, for example, LIKE washing the dishes, and my husband’s clothes take up most of the closet space and I don’t mind at all – but I think the basic message of this article is “be considerate of your mate and housemates. Stop acting like you’re the only person in your house.”
And I fully agree!
Tom
On November 18, 2007 at 10:19 pm
This article rates high on the “Duh Factor”
First of all, “Men are the world’s worse at neglecting to put the toilet seat down after using the bathroom and women do not like it.”
Think about it. Why on earth would a woman be leaving the seat up. this is almost always the result of a male standing to urinate. So one could as easily say that women are the world’s worst (worse?) at leaving used sanitary products in plain sight. THAT is at least as disgusting, and does happen!
Sharing closet space as a barometer of the relationship? This is just nuts. My wife has many clothes that wrinkle easily, and look like crap if crammed into a drawer. I on the other hand have very few. I dominate the dresser, and she dominates the closet. Where’s the closet equation now?
Taking turns paying for the meal? I make the money, who cares right? I direct-deposit my pay into the checking account. She pays the bills, and carries the check book. We eat out, she examines the bill, adds the tip, makes out a check and hands it to me to pay the bill. How does that fit your take turns approach?
I could go on and on. Each marriage is different, and your approach unduly chastises those who do not comply. An unhappy mate could easily use your advice to berate a mate. The gist of your advice here, and as far as you should have taken it without better thought is:
Love each other, respect each other, share the load, and share the rewards of marriage.
Live by those tenets, and the rest is just small stuff!
ZeD
On November 18, 2007 at 11:36 pm
These tips, or rather assumptions, are aimed at the typical male and female relationship and fail to grasp relationships beyond their limited scope. Each relationship is unique, and while some of these tips are practical for the cookie cutter relationship, they fail mine and others relationships.
ADad
On November 19, 2007 at 12:53 am
Stop assuming men are the messy ones. Most women I know in the late 20’s-mid 30’s age range are slobs. Sure, lots of men in that range are too, but the old stereotypes don’t apply anymore. I know more meticulously clean husbands than wives. I wish my wife thought cleaning was the woman’s job, we might both get a break from chores.
AJ
On November 19, 2007 at 11:21 am
How come women are always leaving the toilet seat down? Every time I go in to the bathroom to pee, I’ve got to BEND OVER AND LIFT A THING! Jesus. I can’t stand it anymore. Leave the toilet seat up, ladies. It’ll save your marriage.
cj
On November 19, 2007 at 12:18 pm
any list of marriage tips that does not include making sure your spouse is satisfied sexually, is a farce. I’d was the dishes for the rest of my life if my husband would bend me over the sink afterwards and give me what I need.
adrienne
On November 19, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Shallow, surface, shallow. Marriage is about love not things. Living together is about things. Marriage is a commitment to love not a commitment to things.
If you had been humorous it would have been okay but I have a very horrible feeling you are serious!
Scary.
Nelson Doyle
On November 19, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Thank you for all of the comments.
Like the title says “10 Basic Chores” and not ” Dr. Phil’s The Guide To A Happier Marriage”, the article isn’t meant for anyone who already gets the whole concept of Love and Respect each other no matter what. Ok, I agree that some women can be as big of slobs as some men, but I figured that point would have been silently assumed by the reader and not bashed by readers, because I omitted that point.
Sure, every marriage is different, but some things are the same no matter who you are. If I had of stated that couples should Love and Respect each other and had of trimmed down the rest, then I would have been dogged for not having enough meat in the article.
It the little things in a marriage that usually fester into big things over time. Sure, a person could sleep around on their spouse and that would most likely lead to a quick divorce, but how many times have you argued and you discover that the thing that has gotten your spouse bent was something little (at least to you), but obliviously not to your spouse. Leaving the toilet seat up is just the tip of the iceberg and sure it is common sense to some people, but something else to other people.
If this article is not for you, then thank you for reading and just move on.
Judy Sheldon-Walker
On November 19, 2007 at 8:56 pm
Nelson, this was a well written and thoughtful piece. Your wife is lucky to have such a thoughtful husband. It’s not your fault that everyone is different and so are their marriages. You were just providing some helpful tips. Thank you. If the tips did not apply to them, they could ignore those and read others. It was a smorgasboard and who eats everything on the table? LOL
Liane Schmidt
On November 19, 2007 at 10:07 pm
This is a good article.
Best wishes.
Sincerely,
-Liane Schmidt.
Nelson Doyle
On November 20, 2007 at 1:05 am
Thank you Judy and Liane for your support and kind comments.
I was having a rough day and I should have held off commenting until after I had time to collect my thoughts. Usually harsh reviews do not bother me, but for some reason it got to me yesterday.
Although, I do enjoy very much enjoy reading through the comments both good and bad, so that I can learn from other people’s experiences and suggestions.
Anne Lyken-Garner
On November 20, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Good list here. We all have to remember that marriage can never be a 50-50 deal. I won’t accept only half of what my husband can give, as I fully expect to give my all, 100%.
Thank God that we both are totally considerate of each other (we do have our own closets mind you)
Thank you for this.
Just a little thought, in the section about closet space, did you mean to type interrupted or interpreted?
valli
On November 21, 2007 at 6:56 am
Excellent article. Well written.
dr.clown
On November 21, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Don’t let the nasty comments get to you. You’re a sensible man, and you have shared some important, if not general tips mostly for the young and newly wed couples. And esp. ignore the comments by mr.#15, which will probably be removed soon…
dr.clown
On November 21, 2007 at 1:59 pm
liked the comments from #8, however…and agree, sex is a good and important factor, and women need good sex too…
Nelson Doyle
On November 21, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Anne Lyken-Garner wrote:
“Just a little thought, in the section about closet space, did you mean to type interrupted or interpreted?”
Yes, I meant to type interpreted and not interrupted. I notice the mistake only after it was published and I will be putting in an editorial correction for it, soon.
Thanks still for bring it to my attention and thank you for your comment.
dr. clown,
Yes, I agree with you and #8 about the sex issue, but I purposely
avoid talking about sex in my articles, because children may be reading them. I figured that some of the other readers would point this topic out in the comments. And, they did.
I do agree that there’s no place for offensive comments left in this thread. I will have to remove it.
Thank you for leaving a response about this article, dr. clown.
Sincerely,
Nelson Doyle
to #9
On November 23, 2007 at 12:20 am
Great article Nelson.
To #9..Living together means no less than marriage unless you are a shallow time waster!! Life AND love are full of things. And if you think that you will be any more pleased with falling into a toilet when you are married than you would be just living together…guess what? the water is just as cold either way.Things are things, vows or not.
Elijah
On November 23, 2007 at 7:15 am
Gender is never mentioned in the advice, but following traditional gender roles most of the advice seems pointed at men. What about 10 things that a woman can do to make a man feel appreciated? As I read this I get a funny feeling that the advice is acting upon an assumption of a man not doing his part with no mention of an similar assumed guilt on the part of a woman.
Just my two cents…
Nelson Doyle
On November 23, 2007 at 11:44 am
I would like to thank everyone of you who has left comments and compliments regarding this article.
A Hendricks
On November 26, 2007 at 5:01 am
duh!!!
Kevin @ Change Your Tree . Com
On December 31, 2007 at 6:07 pm
And of course, none of these except the last one really matter all that much in terms of saving or creating a lasting marriage.
It’s like saying, “use coupons” as advice for being a millionaire.
If you really want to save or create a lasting marriage, I would look into things like co-dependence, boundaries, relational techniques, healthy communication, healthy parenting, and recovery.
Telling someone to put the seat down is like telling them to re-arrange deck chairs on the Titanic.
RJ
On February 15, 2008 at 6:42 am
Women are the worst at the toilet seat problem. They never EVER leave the toilet seat up for men, then they complain when men don’t put the toilet seat down. How hypocritical
Nate
On March 12, 2008 at 3:22 pm
I heard a great one for the toilet seat problem. I think it came from a comedian.
He said – Men, after you use the toilet, put down the seat AND the lid. That way, your wife has to lift the ‘cover’ just like you do – every time!
Sorry ladies – just fair play!
Josey
On April 7, 2008 at 8:29 am
This is good advice. I get frustrated with my husband all the time for not helping out around the house.
Shaunalynn
On July 4, 2008 at 1:58 am
I only take up a third of the closet. He gets the rest. He has way more clothes than I do. (shoes, too…)
He also does laundry – lucky me. He’s picky about how clothes are handled, so he does it to avoid frustration and arguments.
We’re not exactly typical around here…
Kathleen
On August 7, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Maybe your friend, Paul, should read this?
Valentine
On August 26, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Things that make me feel loved.
Standing close to me with assistance while I cook. Gently touch me, just an incidental skimming of touch. Say my name.
Covering me with a blanket when I fall asleep.
Picking up around the house so that we have a nicer environment to share.
Being nice to my friends and relatives that you personally don’t care for.
Checking the wiper fluid in my car and filling it so I am safe while driving.
Buying food that you don’t like, because I like it.
Making financial goals, developing a plan, and working with it over time.
Tell me things that you like or ways that make you happy without expectation.
Keep reminding me that I am number one in your life, no matter what comes up.
Laugh at my humor. Entertain me with your humor.
Initiate thought out plans to spend time with me. Let me know that I am worthy of you time and our relationship is valuable to you. Create a special moment in time so we can enjoy each others company.
Acknowledge my accomplishments: How I succeeded at work, how my new diet looks like it’s working, how nice the house looks after cleaning, how perfect the new pillow look on the sofa, how my skin is soft, how thoughtful I was to a friend. Just let me know that you still notice me!
Knowing how to say “I love you.” Say my name when you say “I love you.” Say it when we are happy and in a playful mood. Say it when I am sad. Remind me, “I DO love you” when conflicts arise. Say it only when you mean it. The words are too sacred to be thrown around carelessly.
Siti Zaida Mikaila aka SZM
On February 14, 2009 at 3:03 am
My husband is a good guy. He always treat me as his queen and he is very respectful.
Deke Wayne
On June 21, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Your FIRST item was the old issue of the toilet seat. Here is the final solution…EVERYONE CLOSE THE LID! Most bathrooms have a vanity shelf right above the toilet just waiting for something to fall in the water. Who gets to fish it out…the man.
CLOSE THE LID!
T Federman
On June 21, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Why is always the men that need to improve or adjust? Are women responsible for any part of the relationship?
Lewis
On January 13, 2011 at 8:52 am
off course women play the an equal role in sharing responsibility. To find out more resource about this click http://www.secretstosavingmarriage.com.save-your-marriage