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10 Reasons to Break Up

A look at the main reasons relationships fail, and how to identify when it’s time to say goodbye.

All good things must come to an end, or so they say. But do most of us even know when to call it a day? Most of us are ultimately looking for that ultimate life-long relationship with our true love, soul-mate, whatever so why do we stick it out in relationships that clearly have to promise to deliver that ideal for us?

The worst thing most people do is avoid breaking-up to spare the feelings of the other. Several things are wrong with this approach. First, if you respect the other person enough to want to spare their feelings, you should also respect them enough to be honest. Second, it usually has more to do with not wanting to feel guilty than actually sparing their feelings and you should ever feel guilty about doing what is best for you. Third, you don’t do them any favours by sticking it out when you know it’s going to end. You both need an opportunity to grieve the relationship, mend and move on to find respective relationships that are healthy for both of you.

So when is enough enough? Here are ten signs to watch for and, if you are experiencing them on a regular basis; it may be time to make a decision.

  1. You no longer feel good about yourself.

    When relationships start out, the excitement along keeps us primed and feeling great, but did that feeling last or fade as the weeks, months, years went on?

  2. Your friends no longer hang around.

    Friends are unbelievably insightful and will invariably be the first indicators that they don’t like your relationship. It may be that they just don’t like your partner or it may be that they don’t like the effect he or she has on you.

  3. You are always trying to include others.

    Obviously you need to spend time with other people, but constantly looking for ways to bring them into your activities is a good sign that you do not wish to spend time alone with your partner.

  4. Reconnecting with the exes.

    This is a good indicator that you are looking for some validation that you are not getting from your present partner. Unless you have some bizarre relationship, most exes cease to connect on emotional levels.

  5. You give, give, give or take, take, take.

    All relationships must, by necessity, provide mutual benefit. It does not mean absolute equality but if you find that you are no longer deriving any benefit from the relationship, move on.

  6. You don’t find your partner funny anymore.

    A compatible sense of humour is usually one of the greatest assets of any relationship. Once you starting finding your partner’s humour to be annoying rather than stimulating, soon you simply find your partner to be annoying.

  7. You don’t find your partner attractive.

    This might seem obvious but, the truth is, people in love usually find the object of their affection to be attractive. If you once could but can no longer see beyond physical imperfections, you may be faced with a troubled union.

  8. You try to change them.

    Many people fall for people who excite them on a base level but find that their excitement dwindles in the long term. The very reasons we fall for someone can be the very reasons we grow to dislike them.

  9. You compare your partners to others.

    If you are always measuring your partner up against other people, you should probably stop and measure your relationship. Everyone has attractive and unattractive aspects and a good relationship evolves in spite of them not because of them.

  10. You no longer want to spend time with your partner.

    Even if your sex life is still healthy, once you find yourself no longer wanting to see or talk to your partner outside the bedroom, every time you do will feel like a burden and you will resent your partner in short course.

I don’t want you to take this list as the end-all, be-all or think that because some of these things have happened that you should run out and dump your partner. I simply want you to be cognizant of the main reasons relationships fail so you can better identify when the end is near.

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User Comments
  1. jes

    On August 14, 2008 at 2:43 am

    great stuff!

  2. Maria Luisa Fried

    On August 19, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    I found this article to be very well written and clear,as well as informative and “so true”..Thanks;I enjoyed reading it!

  3. JadeLuv28

    On August 25, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    I liked this article but I don’t agree with number 4. I have been with my current boyfriend for 6 and 1/2 years and I am still best friends with my ex-boyfriend, simply because he is my best friend, not saying that my current boyfriend doesn’t fit the bill in someway. Great article.

  4. sassyladee

    On October 10, 2008 at 10:09 am

    very enjoyable read. very true

  5. Emily James

    On October 15, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    very well written, unfortunately it means that i should have left my hubby 10 years ago!!! nah, love him to death really

    Emily James

  6. Mary Contrary

    On November 15, 2008 at 8:06 pm

    Great Article!

  7. Adam Henry Sears

    On January 8, 2009 at 10:31 am

    Hi Adam, how are you?
    Yup, those are probably the most obvious tell-tale signs, and people don’t often enough pay attention to them. A lot of heartache could be averted. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Kristy

    On January 28, 2009 at 11:58 am

    I have about 6 friends that need to read this! haha


    On February 1, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    Another great article and is full of common sense.

  10. pattydegroff

    On February 28, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    Most interesting write you have here. Being a lady who fell in love in a two week span and have been married for 38 years I must say that if you cant solve the problems with your wife and be honest then no relationship will ever be the right one . You see after we were married 8 years my husband did have an affair with another .Yes indeed I new what she was after but he couldnt see it and he was willing to give everything up and she was married and had a child . I tried everything to get hime to come home then one day without a word I left and went back home .No fight no harsh words just gone . I new he would be back for what we had was exceptional .Indeed he did come back and it took us a year to leave it ll behind and regain the trust we once had .You see it isnt the couples growing apart its they are neglecting one another taking advantage and in doing so they drive themselves further apart.There you see loveing another takes work on bothe sides it is a give and take and to learn it doesnt always have to be your way or her way compromise for in the long run as you work things together believe me the love you feel now as you stay together nd work at it only gets better with time.

  11. gingerwatson

    On March 2, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    This is true even after 20 years of marrige.

  12. Ann Massaro

    On March 8, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    That’s a great article! Very insightful.

  13. Joanne

    On June 17, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    This was incredibly helpful, regretably. But it is still better to move on than be stuck because you don’t want to hurt the other, eh?

  14. Sonia Doreen

    On June 20, 2009 at 10:03 am

    Quiet Informative, I have quiet an opposing view, Have a quick read of How to maintain Relationships on, Please psot your Valuable comments and feedback. Thanks

  15. Shamanz

    On September 1, 2009 at 5:44 am

    good stuff man. Great article and humorous at points. Keeps my attention through out!

    Thanks for sharing.

  16. Musa Raja

    On January 9, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    its all rubish !!!! these are the reasons that are common and theses are not the reasons for a proper or final brakeup….. when your gf or bf have sex with other then his/her partner than its the biggest reason of brakeup…..

  17. Amir.A

    On February 11, 2010 at 12:18 am

    And where are Ten reasons to NOT breakup?

  18. Amir.A

    On February 11, 2010 at 12:20 am

    ….. and where are “Ten Reasons NOT to Breakup?”

  19. Amir.A

    On February 11, 2010 at 12:21 am

    oooppss.. my comment was posted twice by the POST query of this form’s code. i must be the desperate one NOT to breakup…. lolz

  20. Jack

    On April 30, 2011 at 3:49 am

    If you are reading this it means you are – or are considering breaking up. Which probably means you had an argument or are feeling bad about something. I don’t know if there is a right or wrong time, but by looking online for answers you are a retard and should take responsibility for your own actions.


    On September 20, 2011 at 2:44 am

    Excellent points

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