10 Steps to Winning a Woman
Simple and easy to follow guide for those having a hard time attracting a lady friend.
- n order to attract her, you will need to utilise all of your manly guile. The first step is to stare longingly in her direction, making sure she knows what you’re looking at. If she starts looking the other way, turning around, as though in desperate need of help, then you’re in. Girls love long stares from strangers. Make sure you wear a trench coat otherwise this just won’t work.
- Once you’ve established eye contact, move towards her, but slowly. Make sure your trench coat is buttoned up, otherwise she’ll see you in all your naked glory, and we don’t want that. You want to ADD to the mystery, not give it all away on ‘first contact.’
- Never EVER stand further than 2 inches from her face. If you do you’ll lose the dominant edge and you’ll never get anywhere. In this third step, an added bonus would be to not have bathed or brushed your teeth in more than a week. The only thing she wants to smell from you is sweat, whiskey and her impending doom.
- Set up a rapport. Tell her all those dirty little secrets you’ve been itching to tell someone since you were released from prison. Don’t get coy. If it looks like she is repulsed keep in mind this is an involuntary reaction to your presence that suggests she finds you very very handsome and wants to let you touch her. It’s akin to crying at a big budget hollywood movie moment, such as Titanic, where they play loud classical music and one of the protagonists just so happens to die near the end but their death holds little to no substance and was inevitable from the start and your empathy has long since disappeared because the movie is so very long No woman can resist it.
- Here comes the tricky bit. You’ve got to rest your hand on her leg, without her knowing. Make sure that as you move your hand up, she can see the pleasure on your face get exponentially greater. Women like nothing more than seeing a man pleased.
- You’re in, hook, line, but not sinker. You have a little way to go before you win her heart yet. Once she has established that to run from you would be futile because she must let her heart lead the way, grab her roughly by the arm and lead her somewhere quiet. Somewhere you can both…relax.
- She might struggle a little bit, but that’s fine. She just wants you to grip her more intensely. Let her see your reassuring, decayed tooth smile. Let her know everything will be just fine…
- Open up the trenchcoat. Now she can see your three inch wonder bolt in all its glory. Parade around her, maybe doing a little jig. She’ll love it.
- And she closes her eyes, stop your jigging and put on a clown mask. When she opens them again she’ll be scared witless. This will increase her adrenaline, and as it’s scientifically proven, adrenaline is the cornerstone of LOVE.
- Step towards her slowly, once again. As she reaches into her purse, pause and let her adjust herself. When she does eventually stop scrambling out of sheer panic for her pepper spray, open your eyes wide and let her have her way. After all, she’s got to enjoy herself too. Remember, if you get peppered, that means she’ll call you tomorrow. Just make sure you aren’t arrested between now and then.
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User Comments
potplant
On March 17, 2008 at 5:50 am
Haha, so funny, good stuff man
Anonymous
On April 14, 2008 at 4:10 pm
You forgot two steps.
11. ??????
12. PROFIT!
David
On April 26, 2008 at 3:12 pm
I know nothing about the female specis but mate these steps dont work! I tried them on this girl once and she slapped me and walked off when I tried step 5! Were you taking this piss or something? My friends laughed at me when I told them where I got my advice from! Ah think the way to a womens heart is being a gentleman and lots of money.
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