10 Ways He’s Paying Too Much Alimony

In 1973, Johnny Taylor recorded a song called “Cheaper To Keep Her.”  There has never been more truth in four words combined.

Men who are considering divorce should definitely take into consideration all that they are giving up.  In the long run, she is going to make out just fine, while he is going to be counting every penny he can find on the ground.  Plus, if she gets the right lawyer, he or she will show her ways to emasculate, fornicate, decapitate and humiliate him, without him ever knowing he’s being financially ripped to shreds.

However, if he is still determined to go through the process, here are ten ways to tell he is paying way too much, in what is supposed to be a fair and equitable settlement.

1.     Car – She has a late model Mercedes with all the upgrades.  He has a Schwinn with eight broken spokes.

2.     House – She’s living in a twelve room house with a beautifully manicured lawn.  He’s living in a Westinghouse refrigerator box with a manicurist.

3.     Entertainment – She’s watching all the premium channels, with over 500 cable stations to choose from, on her seventy-two inch, high definition television with Surround Sound. He’s watching an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” through the window of the downtown appliance store.

4.     Clothes – She’s buying designer clothes, shoes and accessories like Gucci, Vera Wang and Prada.  He’s wearing clothes from Goodwill, Salvation Army and that dumpster behind the strip bar.

5.     Restaurants – She’s dining in the finest eateries and ordering only the best gourmet dishes money can buy.  He’s in a McDonald’s parking lot, fighting a seagull for a French fry.

6.     Spa – She’s booked for the day of quality grooming, mud packs, beautifully coiffed hair style and a relaxing steam.  He’s getting a steam bath, while washing the dishes at the Chinese restaurant.

7.     Jewelry – She’s wearing diamonds, pearls and other precious gems that make her look elegant and dignified.  In the middle of the night, someone has stolen his gold filling out of his mouth.

8.     Charitable Donations – She has given huge amounts to the arts and other respected institutions.  He has given so much blood at the Blood Bank for money that vampire bats are passing him by.

9.     Pets – Her Afghan Hound is named Alexandria.  His seagull is named Steve.

10.Dating – She is spending time with (but not marrying) doctors, lawyers and sports figures.  He’s noticing the overweight bag-lady, in the next refrigerator box, doesn’t quite have the stench of raw sewage she had yesterday.

So, men, if this sounds appealing to you, then go ahead, but Johnny Taylor will be shaking his head in disbelief.