Ten foolproof ways to make your betrothed happy.
She is always right
There is no point arguing about it. You may be all idealistic at the start of the marriage, two equal partners in all decision making, but you soon learn the error of your ways. Just let her always think she’s right, don’t fight the inevitable.
You must keep your wits about you on this one. Some questions need and instant, correct answer. Even a small delay in your response will see you hung, drawn and quartered. An example of this would be, “do you think I am getting fat?” Answer NO, and do it quick.
Love her family
Acting skills may be required here. Fight with the in-laws and you may as well be fighting with your wife. Mum will always be the person she turns to when she wants to complain, so keep her sweet. Show an interest. Fake it if you have to. Plus they do say you can see how your wife will look in the future, bear that in mind.
I don’t want much for my birthday. Yeah, right! It’s a lie, don’t fall for it. She really means, buy me that thing that I have been dropping brick size hints at for the last six months. You know it makes sense.
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She hates it. Simple as that. It is offensive to all of woman kind and should be banned from here to eternity. She may try and trick you by saying she likes it, so tread very very carefully.
All other women are ugly
She is allowed to watch the telly and say that the latest hunk from Baywatch is lovely. You are in no way, shape or form allowed to think the supermodel of the year is anything other than a skinny Shrek like figure that repulses you at every glance.
Treat her like a lady
She is after all one, and don’t you forget it. The odd impromptu gift, flowers goes down a treat. But guard against her seeing that as a sign of you feeling guilty about something. Make her breakfast in bed, little things like that go a long way.
If you have them then be the best Dad you can. Get involved in all of the messy stuff. If you don’t have them then make sure she knows without reservation how much you love the little rug rats. Even if she doesn’t want kids, it shows your soft and caring fuzzy side.
Don’t let it slip
When you met, you were clean shaven, smelling like an Old Spice Ad, and looking like an immaculately pressed advert for Ben Sherman. Even if your budget is now more Market Stall than Posh Mall, make the most of what you’ve got. Don’t look like the odd couple when you go somewhere posh.
Tell her you love her every day
… and never, ever forget that.