A guide on twenty-seven (the one, true number. There can be only one) different things you can do that will annoy your girlfriend.
Girlfriend got you down? Just want to tease her? Far to uncreative to come up with your own ways to do it, or does she always foil you in the end because she is a maniacal, fun-ruining beast? Well, here is a list of twenty-seven (because twenty-seven is just cool) different things you can do that are almost surefire ways of annoying her.
- Beg for a Playstation 3 every time you with her while withdrawing money
- Borrow her panties. Tell her about it a week later. Make sure to tell her that you’re sorry, for added effect.
- Play Thunderhorse on Guitar Hero. Forever. Only Thunderhorse.
- Lick her nose. When she tells you to stop, promise to do so, but do it anyway. It’s okay. It was just a white lie.
- Flirt with anything with two legs. Make sure to make obvious glances to your girlfriend while you do. Speak with hushed whispers.
- Invite her to a movie. When she shows up, tell her you changed your mind and would rather go visit your grandparents. Make sure to tell her she is invited.
- Figure out what language she dislikes the most. Make sure to slip a few words from that language into your sentences.
- Foreplay – Then no play after she is nice and ready. Guys can be not in the mood, too!
- Come up with silly nicknames and be sure to use them often. Names like McBunnerson and Dizzle are great.
- Make sure to tell them how cute every girl you know is. Not at the same time, mind you. Whenever a friend’s name come up, be sure to say that you like the colour of their eyes, or something far more romantic than you normally say to your girlfriend.
- Say, and I quote, “Oh my god! I have a great idea!”. Get excited. When she asks what it is, tell her that it’s a secret. For added effect, tell her to hold on because one of your friends has to hear about it.
- Sing about her butt to her favorite tunes. Ruining classics is classic.
- Simply state, “You’re looking prime tonight.”.
- When she invites you to one of her art shows or plays, be sure to tell her that you have other plans, to include playing video games or just hanging out with a friend
- When she invites you to go to an art show or a play (that she is not involved with) tell her you have better things to do
- Answer any question she gives you involving the word ,’why’, with, “It’s magic, honey”
- Find her wallet and move all her cards around. Be sure to flip some over too.
- Leave the toilet seat up. It’s not a big deal to lower it, of course, but for some reason they almost always freak out! When she complains, tell her its easier to lower the seat than it is to lift one.
- When she gets hurt, instead of saying something nice like, “Are you alright?” instead say, “…never —” in a dark voice. Add, after never, whatever it is she was doing. E.G. “…Never tell me what to do…”
- When she is giving you instructions, -don’t- pay attention. Instead just nod dumbly and say “Uh huh…” When she is done talking, simply say, “What?”
- Explain something extremely vaguely. Use lots of hand gestures and pretend you’re frustrated when you’re talking. It’s bound to do the same to her.
- When she asks you about an important date, like when you started dating or your first kiss, grow tired of the conversation immediately and say, “Why the heck should I remember that?” Of course, you should only do this if you actually remember…
- Be very romantic. Ask if you’re getting lucky when you feel you’ve accomplished enough.
- When you go to the movies, make sure to ask what row she wants to sit in. When she replies, make sure to sit in an entirely different section. If you can, make sure to sit behind people.
- If you’ve got natural skill at something and know it, but never do it, allow her to try it some time. If she is bad at it, say “It’s okay, I’m not very good either.” Make sure to show her up.
- Make an extremely challenging puzzle for her to accomplish in order to get some gift. Make sure to give her clues that wont actually help her.
- Act childish. When she tells you stop, throw a little tantrum.