A Abusive Husband

This diary is based on a series of conversation with Sue Jacobi, after spending a great deal of my time listening to Sue as she vent her anger and frustration about her marriage, relationship with her abusive husband I was very moved to tell her story.

I met Sue mid November 2007 on a cold misty Monday morning standing at the corner of High and Market Street. She casually looked at me and nods her head to say hello and I in turn nod back with a smile and blushed, I saw her faced glowed radiantly in through the mist. I laughed and asked her, “why are you blushing”, Sue shyly bend her head toward the ground and began to laugh hysterically. After the episode we exchanged telephone numbers and thus began the friendship.

Let me give you a brief description about my friend Sue Jacobi, she is very intelligent, articulate creative, resourceful, and a very private black woman, getting to know Sue on an individual basis was very enlighten. She is a very wonderful woman with a great sense of humor.

Because of her abusive and controlling husband Sue lives a rather sheltered life, and at times felt hopeless, afraid to confide in family or friends fearing that her conversation would get back to her husband and the abuse would start over again.  So Sue lived her life in isolation, fear and denial, because of her children she felt trapped in a meaningless, loveless and sexless marriage.

To forget about her pains, she would bury herself in her work, and other activities to take her mind off of her husband and family. That did not work for Sue soon found out that she was becoming a workaholic, and was experiencing fatigue, stress and on the verge of nervous breakdown.

Sue lives in a moderate three bedroom bungalow (house) with her two daughters for the past two years since her husband Bill moved out to live with his mistress. After Bill moved out Sue told me that she has lost her sense of direction and could not persevere anymore. I listened to this strong independent woman telling her story as she struggles to gain back her sanity, and self-worth.

Spousal abuse is swept under the carpet for centuries, women in the West Indies grew up with this old traditional marriage script that once married the wife becomes the man’s possession.  The woman lost all sense of her identify, this is one of those identify scripts that many of us grew up and stuck by this script. Women of this modern generation need to examine this script and develop a better sense of what marriage between two people is all about.